


The Couch of Plausible Deniability

by TheseusInTheMaze



Series: Plausible Deniability [1]
Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Anal Fingering, Awkward Conversations, Bathing/Washing, Cunnilingus, Double Penetration, Dry Orgasm, F/M, Falling In Love, Feelings, Love Confession, Pegging, Penis In Vagina Sex, Phone Sex, Pining, Polyamory, Romance, Sexting, safe sex, strap on blowjob, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-08 23:02:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8866864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseusInTheMaze/pseuds/TheseusInTheMaze
Summary: It started out as a favor to a friend. It kinda... snowballed from there.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HerbertBest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerbertBest/gifts).



> Written for the ever lovely @HerbertBest! I hope you like it!
> 
> I borrowed the phrase "Couch of Plausible Deniability" from Captain Awkward. All the credit goes to her!

Dan got the text at about ten in the evening. It was from Holly, which was a bit unusual, and it had a lot more punctuation than he was used to. 

_Can you have a sudden emergency that requires me, please?!?!?!_

Dan blinked down at his phone, his eyebrows knitting together as he tried to make sense of her message. What...? 

_Holly, I have no idea what you're talking about._

His phone buzzed not even a minute later.

_I'm on the worst date of my life, this guy doesn't seem to get the hint, and I don't want to have to spell out that I'm not interested in him. I've changed the subject three times, and he won't be budged with a crowbar. Please? I'll buy you dinner._

Oh yeah. Holly and Ross were trying that... poly thing. Ross had mentioned it to Dan, mainly in complaining how hard it apparently was to find a date in this day and age.

_How big a crowbar are we talking? Like, a tire iron sized crowbar? Or a regular sized one?_

_An elephant sized crowbar. Not one used by an elephant, one the size of an actual elephant. Please. I am begging on hands and knees._

She sent him a picture of her own pouting face, presumably in the bathroom - she had on more makeup than usual, and she was wearing a headband with little cacti printed on it. 

Goddamn was she cute. 

_Go back to your table, I'll call you. Do you want me to actually come pick you up?_

_Yeah, to make it believable._

_You don't think the guy would believe you?_

_He spent ten minutes talking about how so many "females" have ghosted on him. I don't think he'd listen to me if I said that I had a family emergency unless someone came in with a gunshot wound._

_Should I get the fake blood out?_

_Nah. You look suitably tough guy that he should listen. Also, I don't have a car. He picked me up._

_WHAT?!_

_Shut up. I know it was stupid._

_I'm on my way. Just, uh... stall. I dunno. Wait for me outside the place? Where am I actually going?_

She texted him an address, and Dan sighed gustily. Why was he even doing this? He had gotten comfortable at home, his feet up, Game of Thrones reruns playing... didn't she have a husband to do these things for?

But no. This was Holly. She had given him a sword and forgiven him when he broke it. She was sweet and she was kind and she was funny, and she would buy him dinner. 

Armed with this knowledge, he turned the television off, put his feet back on the floor, and went to find his pants and car keys. 

* * * 

Holly was standing in front of a snazzy restaurant, wearing a very pretty dress. She was even wearing heels, which made Dan raise an eyebrow.

There was a good looking man standing next to her, one hand on her lower back. He was talking earnestly to her, and even in the dim light, Dan could read Holly's "why me?" expression. 

He honked his horn, and Holly perked up, looking towards Dan's car. The guy standing next to her leaned in to kiss her cheek, and she dodged it, offering him a hand and a tight smile.

He kissed it, and she yanked her hand away, gave a feeble wave, and nearly ran to climb into the car with Dan.

"Oh, thank fuck," said Holly, and she usually didn't swear like that. 

Dan gaped at her.

"What? You've seen me... done up before," Holly said defensively, sitting back in her seat, staring out the windshield as Dan drove off. 

"So, uh... why go out with a guy who refers to women as "females"?" Dan cleared his throat, in hopes of filling the awkward silence. "and where do you wanna go get food?" 

"Anywhere for food is good," said Holly, and then she went quiet, for at least five minutes, as they drove along.

"Do you, uh... would you rather not talk about it?" Dan turned a corner, entering the parking lot of his favorite diner.

"It's... it's kind of embarrassing," said Holly, and she cleared her throat again, fiddling with her hands in her lap. Her nails were painted a pretty shade of blue, Dan noticed, in a distant sort of way. 

"What kind of embarrassing? Did you meet on a balloon fetishist website, only it turns out that he likes the wrong kind of balloons?" Too late, Dan realized how... well, judgmental that sounded. "Although if you like balloons, that's totally cool too. Those people are called, uh, looners, right? I'm sure that it's a -"

"No, I'm not a looner," said Holly, and she was giggling, her eyes crinkling around the edges. "I, uh... I was more interested in his wife," she said, keeping her eyes on her hands, blushing under the yellow light of the streetlight. "But she's been kinda... cool to me, and I thought that tonight was going to be a date with both of them, not just him. I think that he's interested in me, but she isn't." She sighed gustily. "Pretty dumb, huh?"

"Well, uh, I can say I've never done anything like that myself," said Dan. "But I don't think it's any dumber than some of the shit I've done. I mean," he put a hand on her knee, impulsively. Her dress was made of something slippery, and it slid under his fingers. "I'm the guy who managed to get himself in a neck brace by trying to suck my own dick. I feel like I'm the last one allowed to judge _anyone_ for shit."

Holly laughed, a genuine laugh, and her whole face lit up. 

Dan smiled back at her, delighted, and then he started to laugh as well, bent double, resting his forehead against the top of his steering wheel, laughing so hard he was snorting, squeaking, short of breath. 

“But, uh, yeah,” said Holly, and she wiped her eyes, somehow managing not to smudge her makeup. 

Girls were fuckin’ magic, man.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. He said that it’d be all three of us, and his wife is, like… totally my type. Even works at a bird sanctuary! So I thought that I could put up with him if I got to talk to her, but she wasn’t feeling well, and when I suggested we reschedule, he said that he wanted some one on one time with me, and well….” She sighed.

"I, uh... I didn't know you liked women," said Dan cautiously. This was... kind of new territory. He'd had friends who came out to him before, but not usually so... casually. 

"I mean... I don't know if I like all women, or even most women. I know I like her," said Holly, and she groaned. "God, I must sound like a complete idiot."

Dan moved his hand from her knee to her shoulder, and squeezed. Her dress was some kind of strappy number, and her felt something like a shock when his bare skin touched hers. 

"I don't think you're an idiot," Dan said quietly. "Do you, uh... do you wanna go inside and go eat some food?" 

"I'd like that," said Holly, and she gave another tittery, almost hysterical laugh. "Just... God. This was my first, like, independent date. That wasn't with Ross." 

"You're just beating yourself up over it," Dan said, and he squeezed her shoulder, then opened his door and climbed out of the car. "Try thinking about something else. Maybe that'll help." 

"You're right," said Holly, and she stepped out as well, wobbling a bit on her high heels.

"Do you, uh... wanna take your shoes off? I've got a pair of flip flops in the back seat that you could wear."

"You really think that your flip flops would fit me?" Holly laughed, her heels clicking on the tarmac. "I'd trip on those a lot faster than my own shoes."

"I thought all girls brought extra shoes with them when they went out on dates or something," said Dan, pulling the door open and stepping back for her to walk past him.

"Maybe I wasn't expecting to wear them that long," said Holly, and then she blushed, turning pink. 

She was so cute. She was so cute, and Dan wanted to kiss her so badly.

Where the fuck had that come from?

Dan licked his lips, keeping his eyes off of her face, and slid into a booth, his eyes on the menu as she slid in across from him. 

"So you, uh, particularly fond of this place?" Holly opened the menu, paging through it. 

"Yeah, they're pretty good," said Dan. "and I remembered that they've got a pretty decent vegetarian selection." 

"Thanks," said Holly, and she sighed, relaxing back into the booth. "God, that was the first red flag. I mentioned being a vegetarian, and that guy just went on a tangent about how it's all nothing but bleeding heart hippie liberals...."

"I thought that anyone participating in an... alternative lifestyle would be all about the bleeding heart stuff," said Dan, flicking his eyes up to look at her face. 

"You'd think," said Holly, taking a swig of her water. "You'd really think!" 

"Well, uh, I've had some bad dates myself," said Dan. He cleared his throat, trying to get his thoughts on straight, and then he smiled at her, feeling some of his brain returning.

It had been a while since he'd been any kind of sexual or romantic with anyone. That was probably why he was in the type of mood he was. Here was Holly, suddenly very obviously available (not to him, obviously, because... why would she want to be with a guy like _him_ ), and his brain was just being stupid. 

He settled into his seat, content in the whys and wherefores of his own weird emotions. 

"You wanna tell me about them?" Holly was taking some of her jewelry off, the bangle bracelets stacked on the table like the world's strangest poker chips. 

"Sure!" Dan set his menu up and shifted in his seat to adjust his hard on surreptitiously. 

The damn thing had a mind of its own.

"So, uh, this is from my days as a stoner, right? I met this girl...." 

* * * 

"I really want a milkshake," said Holly, as their plates were taken away. 

"Yeah? You should totally get a milkshake," said Dan. His hard on was still there, but he was full, and Holly had relaxed enough that she was making her own jokes, and stopped beating herself up over the one bad date.

The stories of Dan's horrible dates probably helped, admittedly. 

"I don't know if I could actually _finish_ a milkshake is the problem," said Holly. "I don't wanna waste it, though." 

"We could share it," suggested Dan. "I mean, if that's not too Lady and the Tramp for you."

"It'd only be Lady and the Tramp if we were doing it under a moon in an alleyway," said Holly, with some authority. "Sharing a milkshake is more Archie comics."

"Would that make you Betty or Veronica?"

"Me, nothing. I'm Archie. You'd be Betty."

"Aww. I'd wanna be Veronica," said Dan, faking a pout. 

"I'll keep that in mind for the future," Holly said primly, and that got Dan laughing, one hand over his mouth to keep from being too loud, practically honking like a goose. 

So they ordered the milkshake. A black and white, because why begrudge the classics?

"Why would you want to be Veronica? Wasn't she kind of a bitch?" Holly fiddled with a piece of her hair that had fallen out of its fancy 'do. 

"Yeah, but she had all that money," said Dan. "I'd forget about Archie and just go swim in my swimming pool of money, Scrooge McDuck style."

"Didn't Mythbusters do an episode on how that's not possible?"

"Probably," said Dan. "They did an episode on... fuckin' everything."

"I dunno," said Holly, and she sounded almost wistful for a second. "I always thought that Betty and Veronica should have gotten over their differences and just gotten together."

"Yeah," said Dan. "Then Archie and Jughead could start dating -"

"No, Jughead is asexual," said Holly. "Archie and Reggie would have been the ones who started dating."\

"But Reggie was a jerk!" Dan paused. "I'm showing way too much knowledge about Archie comics, aren't I?"

"A tiny bit," said Holly, "but I mean, I know just as much as you do, so who am I to judge?" 

“Yeah, but you’re a girl,” said Dan. “You’re supposed to like that kinda thing, right?” 

Holly shrugged. “I never really believed in liking a thing because you’re supposed to like it,” said Holly. “I mean, girls aren’t supposed to really like D &D either, are they?” 

“True,” said Dan. “Oh, wow!” 

Their milkshake arrived. It was a glory of a thing, topped with whipped cream, two cherries, and two bendy straws. 

"Holy shit," said Holly, and she sounded genuinely impressed. 

Why did Dan feel so proud of himself? He hadn't even made the thing, but seeing Holly's expression of borderline wonder was making his belly do somersaults. 

If he was developing a crush on her, he was going to fucking....

Well, probably moon about it for about a month, then get on with his life, but it would be very frustrating mooning, to be sure. Lots of "how can you be such an idiot?" type mooning.

But that was a problem for future Dan. 

Present Dan was here with Holly, and she was leaning forward and taking a sip of the milkshake, her eyes closed in what looked like rapture, then pulling back, licking whipped cream off of her lips. 

"That's a really good milkshake," she said, and then she started giggling. 

"What's so funny?" Dan took a pull of his straw, leaning forward awkwardly. It always looked so much easier in his sister's Archie comics - maybe because the two people sharing the milkshake usually sat next to each other, not across from each other. Or maybe they had longer straws? 

"This whole night has been... weird," said Holly. "I didn't really see myself at a twenty four hour diner with you."

"You saw yourself face first in some -"

"Don't finish that sentence," Holly said, and she was laughing harder now. "I'm embarrassed enough already!" 

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about," said Dan. "We've all done stupid shit, like I said."

"You're right," said Holly, and then she frowned. "That can't be easy on your neck, hold on."

She pushed the milkshake on its little dish towards her. 

Unfortunately, the table was more slippery than either of them had anticipated, and the damn thing just... kept going.

"Holy fuck, that is _cold_ ," Dan hissed, a few seconds after the whole ornate mess of it land ed in his lap. 

"Oh my god, I am so sorry, oh god," Holly said, and she was standing up, pulling the glass out of his lap, dabbing at the already melting ice cream with a napkin. "Oh god, you must think -"

"It's fine," Dan said, through clenched teeth. His erection was gone, at least! "I can wash my pants when I get home." Then he remembered his broken washing machine, and he groaned. "Or not," he said, as a waiter rushed over, giving them more napkins. "I can wash my pants next weekend," he amended. 

"You can come over to our place to wash your pants," said Holly quickly. 

Dan raised an eyebrow. "Seriously? It's like... one in the morning. Won't Ross mind?"

"Ross is gonna be dead asleep," said Holly. "Anyway, he knew I was gonna be home late."

"You sure he won't mind me loitering around?" 

"He'll be fine," said Holly. "Please. I insist."

"Well... okay," said Dan, and that was stupid. That was really stupid. It was stupid, and it was the best idea he'd had in forever. 

* * * 

They paid, and he drove her back to her house. 

It was strange, being here with just her, the whole place quiet. The menagerie was all bedded down - even Orph was nowhere to be seen. The whole place felt almost... liminal. 

Holly removed her heels as soon as she got in, and was padding around in her stockings, and they whispered quietly where her thighs rubbed together. 

It was a very distracting noise. Especially when she stood in front of him and asked for him to give her his pants.

"Do you have, uh, a pair of sweats or something I can borrow?" Dan stood there in his boxers, and willed Excalibur to cooperate, for once in his illustrious career. 

"I've seen you in spandex. This is more modest than your usual costume," Holly said, and she was indicated the couch, as she walked towards the laundry room. "Make yourself at home. I'll be right back." 

Dan sank into the couch, his eyes sliding closed slowly, relaxing into the soft cushions. He didn't realize he had dozed off until he was jolted awake by a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey," said Holly and she was smiling at him, a bit shyly. "Would you mind if I sat next to you?" 

"Go for it," Dan said, a bit dazed. He watched her settle down next to him, and it took a minute to realize what looked different. "Oh. You changed." 

She had indeed - she was wearing a big, loose tank top, and what looked suspiciously like a pair of Ross's boxer shorts.

"Yeah," said Holly, plucking at the hem of her shirt. "It wasn't too comfortable, being in all that fancy stuff." 

"You looked amazing in it," Dan said, tiredness bringing out his sincerity. "I mean, you look amazing in everything, but it was... it was nice."

"Thanks," said Holly, and she was blushing, looking down at her bare knees. "Would you want to, uh, watch something?"

"Go for it," said Dan. "I'm easy."

"That's what I've gathered, from all your stories," said Holly, and she was grinning now. 

Dan snorted, and put an arm around her shoulders, the way he would with any other girl who he was sort of, kind of flirting with. 

Was he flirting with her?

It was late enough that he didn't even know. Especially not after how bizarre the rest of the evening had been. 

Holly didn't complain though. She snuggled up to him, her head on his chest. 

"Let's check Netflix," she said, her voice buzzing through his chest, the top of her head right up against his chin.

"Sounds good," Dan murmured, squeezing her arm, his eyes drifting shut.

He was asleep before the main screen had loaded up. 

* * *

"You know," said Ross, "I wasn't sure what I was expecting when I got out of bed today, but it wasn't this."

Dan blinked awake, squinting in the dim light. What was Ross doing in Dan's house? Why was he sitting up? Who was cuddled up to him?

Wait a minute.

"... it's not what it looks like," Dan said, looking down at Holly, who was curled up against him, her cheek against his thigh, her fingers tangled in his.

"What, that you're snuggling my wife with a... pretty sizable boner?" Ross raised an eyebrow, looking at them both.

"Well, uh, I mean, that kinda... that kinda comes with the territory," Dan stuttered.

"I mean, I usually get a boner snuggling her, yeah," said Ross. He was clearly enjoying this a bit too much. 

"No, I mean that it's early enough that I've got... you know, morning wood." Dan was grasping at straws, and he knew it.

"So you don't think my wife is bone worthy?"

"Ross, stop torturing him," Holly mumbled, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. Her face was soft with sleep, and her hair was mussed, sticking to her cheek. She had missed a bit of her eye liner, and it had smeared on Dan's bare thigh. 

"You don't let me have any fun," said Ross, and he leaned down to kiss her. 

Dan looked away, not entirely sure why he was embarrassed, or what the slight twinge in his gut was from. 

"So," said Ross, stepping back. "You wanna explain why you're not over at Clive's place?"

"Clive? His name was Clive? Oh my god, Holly, I wasn't gonna judge...."

Holly groaned, and covered her face with both hands. 

"I hate both of you," she said, muffled. 

* * * 

Dan retrieved his pants, joked around with Ross, and life went back to normal.

More or less.

Holly was texting him more often. Nothing too exciting - he sent her pictures of birds, or funny looking rocks, or whatever weird shit that he tripped over. Occasionally silly selfies, although he always felt like there was some kind of... risk involved, something he couldn't put his finger on.

There was something growing in the vicinity of his collarbone, something bright and fragile as a soap bubble, and it was... well, it was scary. He didn't want to pop it by poking it too hard. 

Holly seemed to be acting pretty normal, which helped keep things... on the up and up, as it were. She sent him pictures of her pigeons, or of whatever cosplay she was working on. Occasionally a selfie - including one post shower, to show her hair standing on end.

That one might have joined the spank bank.

Maybe.

But things didn’t exactly… escalate, until about two weeks later.

* * * 

_What kinda shampoo do you use?_

_What kinda question is that?_

_I mean, I had your hair right under my nose. I got a whiff of it. Maybe I’d like it for the memories…._

Oh fuck. Dan groaned. That was… that was too something, wasn’t it? It totally was. 

_Does that mean I can ask about your deodorant?_

He nearly swooned with relief, reading her message. She hadn’t read into it. Thank god. Or maybe she was teasing?

It didn’t matter, she wasn’t weirded out.

_I mean, you could ask, but you were on my chest. It’s not like I wear my deodorant between my nipples or something._

_My face was basically in your armpit._

Dan, sprawled out comfortably on the couch, snorted. He didn’t pay much more attention, until his phone buzzed, and there was a picture of Holly’s shampoo bottle, with her fingers. The light was dim, and looked a bit like it was flickering.

_Are you looking at your shampoo in a fancy shmancy restaurant?_

_Nah, taking a bath. Decided to go all out, so all the candles are lit._

_You and Ross planning a special candlelit night of loooooove?_

_Not even. Ross has a date, probably won’t be coming home tonight._

… huh. Holly was alone. and in the bath. 

His dick woke up, imagining Holly naked in the shower. Holly, her legs wide open, her hand between them…. 

His phone buzzed again, jolting him out of his jerk off fantasy. It was a bit… well, it was always a bit strange, jerking off to his friends. But his friends would never have to know about it, right? 

_He's on a date with someone he met on Tumblr. Who even knew you could meet, like, dateable people on Tumblr?_

_You feeling lonely?_

That didn’t send the wrong message, right? It was sympathetic, not too… needy, or creepy, or anything like that. 

_Little bit. Wish I had some company._

_What, with you in the bathtub?_

_Sure! You could probably fit in it._

Oh. Oh! 

Shit. 

That was… that was kind of an implication. Maybe. He wasn’t sure. He’d never been good at navigating this kind of thing.

But he didn’t want to offend her. 

Fuck, this was complicated. 

He was interrupted from his thoughts by his phone buzzing, right up against his leg, and he jumped. 

It was a picture of Holly’s bathtub, with her legs. They were long, lovely legs, ending in delicate feet, with painted toenails.

Images of those same feet on his shoulder, as he ate her out. Those same feet on his lower back as he thrust into her pussy….

His phone buzzed again. 

_Sorry did I overstep?_

Dan cleared his throat, and started down at his phone. Okay… he just had to keep his cool. Try not to fuck this up.

_That’s a pretty small bathtub. I don’t know if I could fit in that with you._

_Maybe if I sat in your lap?_

Dan sent her a picture of his own face, one eyebrow raised.

_That’s an awful lot of contact, you know._

Holly sent him a face pic back, with her own eyebrow raised, then another text.

_How do you take a bath with someone without touching them?_

Dan shivered, staring down at his own lap. Excalibur was hard, poking out of the fly of his pajama pants. 

_I’m sure it can be done._

“Wow,” Dan said, and he covered his face with one hand , groaning. That was bad. That was really bad. 

_Not in this bathtub._

Another picture, this time of the candles on the edge. There was Holly’s leg as well, and a bit of her belly. 

_You must look gorgeous by the candlelight._

That was equally cheesy, but less cringe worthy. He had one hand wrapped loosely around his cock, surrounded by the fabric. 

She sent him another picture - her face, with some of her collarbone, and the top of her chest. She was biting her lip, looking at him shyly. 

Oh wow. 

_I showed you mine. Can I see yours? :P_

It was the little smiley that did it. The damn little thing cemented it as all being real. Because only Holly would sext with fucking emojis. 

Dan pulled his shirt off, and attempted to angle himself and the camera appealingly. He snapped a few shots, then sent it off. 

_I guess I’ve been unfair._

_Unfair?_

_You showed nipples. I didn’t._

_Far be it from me to protest any attempts at nipple equality._

He was stroking his cock by the time his phone buzzed, and he nearly dropped it when he saw that it was a photo. 

Holly’s tits were just as amazing as he had thought they were. Her nipples were a dark pink, slightly crinkled in the no doubt cooler air. She had her arm under them, pushing them up, and ... oh wow. 

His phone buzzed in his hand . 

_Please say something. I feel super awkward._

He stared down at his phone, mumbling as he typed. “You’ve got amazing… tits?” No, that wouldn’t work. Chest? Breasts? 

_You’re so gorgeous that it leaves me pretty speechless._

He was struck with a wave of bravery. Or possibly stupidity. 

_Do you wanna see what seeing you did to me?_

_God yes._

Another picture of her face, her cheeks pinker in the dim light, biting her lip. One of her arms was noticeably out of the shot. 

Dan had actually studied this bit - he knew how to take a good dick pic. He tucked his cock back into his pants, right up against his thigh, and pulled his pajama pants tighter, to make his cock bulge more. Then he snapped it, and sent it. 

He got another face pic, this one with her mouth wide open and staring. 

_Holy shit. You’re fucking huge._

Dan laughed, nervous, and then more bravery hit him.

_Some of us are gifted, man. What I lack in looks, I make up for in dick size._

_Dunno what you’re talking about. You’re fuckin’ gorgeous._

Dan bit his lip, and squirmed in his seat. 

_I showed you mine, though. Will you show me yours?_

There was no response for almost five minutes, and then a very blurry photo was sent to him. Then another photo, with Holly’s nervous face. 

_Sorry. It’s hard to get a good picture. It’s easy for you - you just have to look down!_

_I guess I’ll just have to see it in person, huh?_

In for a penny, in for a fucking pound. 

_I’m free next Saturday._

_Should I save Excalibur for the main event, then?_

_I can’t believe you named your dick._

_You didn’t name your pussy?_

_Why would I?_

_For the fun of it!_

Holly sent him a selfie with her tongue sticking out. 

_I’m gonna call you._

Dan nearly dropped his phone. Shit shit shit! 

_Sure! Go for it!_

The phone vibrated against his hand , and his hands were shaking as he pressed the little green button.

“Hello?”

“Excalibur? Seriously?” 

Dan could hear the echo of the bathroom, and a faint splashing. 

“C’mon. It’s totally an awesome name. Whosoever pulls it out becomes the king of all England , all that jazz?”

“So whoever pulls your dick off ends up a monarch?” There was a pause in the splashing sounds. 

“... I feel like we got off track,” said Dan.

“You’re right,” said Holly. “You should, um… you should tell me what you’re thinking about. That is related to what we were talking about in the first place.”

“What, how we both wouldn’t fit in your bathtub?” Dan teased. 

“No,” said Holly, “about how you were ogling my tits."

“In fairness,” Dan said, “you did send me a picture of them.” 

“Well, yeah,” said Holly, and then she giggled. “Oh god. I haven’t done anything like that in… years, geez.”

“You’re the first person who has actually asked me for a dick pic in, like, ages,” said Dan. Then he paused. “You know, apart from Brian and Arin.”

“They don’t count?”

“They don’t count.” 

“So, uh… if you were here. Right now. Would you… would you be in the bath with me?”

“I liked your original idea,” said Dan, grabbing his headphones and plugging them into his phone, giving himself an extra hand to work with. “Of… of you sitting in my lap.”

“Wouldn’t you worry about squashing your dick?” 

“Well, there are two solutions to that problem,” Dan said carefully. 

“Are there, now?” Holly’s voice had taken on a breathless quality, and the splashing sounds had come back. 

“Yeah. You could, uh… you could sit on my thighs, kinda? So my dick would kinda be pressed against your stomach.” He pulled his cock out of his pajama pants, beginning to stroke it. He was already leaking pre-cum, and the slip-slide of his fingers around his shaft left him shivering.

“What was the other solution?” The splashing had gotten more rapid. 

"Excalibur could be inside of you," said Dan. But that didn't feel right. There was so much... else to concentrate on, before sticking it in.

He did want to stick it in - oh, did he want to stick it in - but where was the fun in that being the only thing? Half the enjoyment of sex was building the other person up, until they were fucking _begging_ for his cock.  
"I... I think before I did that, I'd want to play with your breasts," he said, and he licked his dry lips. "I... I want to hold them in my hand s."

"There's not a lot of them," Holly said, and she laughed ruefully.

"But they look so pretty," said Dan. "They'd... I bet they're soft. Could you... could you squeeze them for me? Maybe pinch your nipples?"

Holly made a soft, sharp sound, and Dan moaned, his hand beginning to speed up. 

"Could you suck on them?" Her voice was even more breathless. "I... I really like that."

"I'd love to," Dan said. "I'd kiss you - your throat, your chest, your shoulders. I'd take your breasts into my hands and flick your hard little nipples with my thumbs, and then I'd kiss down and take one in my mouth...."

"Oh!" Holly was moaning now, needy little sounds that went right to Dan's cock. "Oh, yes! Please!"

"Do you like hearing about that?" Dan was aware that his voice was getting deeper, that he was getting more and more into his performance. It was like a Danny Sexbang performance, all over again. "Do you like hearing about how hard I am, just thinking about playing with your tits?"

"God, yes," Holly moaned, and she was panting, which... sounded kind of awkward, over the phone, but who cared, because this was possibly the hottest thing ever.

He was having phone sex. With _Holly_. 

"Are you gonna cum? Are you gonna cum in my lap, just from me playing with your breasts?"

"I... I wanna touch your cock," Holly mumbled, and then she cleared her throat, and spoke again, a little louder and with more force. "I want to jerk you off, before you fuck me." 

"Mmm, yeah... your hot little hands on my cock... I'm getting harder just thinking about it." He could feel his heartbeat in his cock, throbbing in his hand , and it was leaking more pre cum, dripping down. He pushed his hair behind his shoulders, in an attempt at avoiding getting jizz in it. 

"I... I want to taste it. I'd totally blow you." She laughed. "God, no, that's not sexy -"

"You're right," Dan said, deadpan. "The idea of one of the hottest women I've ever seen giving me a hot blowie. Totally the opposite of sexy.

"It is when you put it like that," Holly protested. "I dunno. Maybe if you talked about me... performing fellatio on you, it'd be more appealing."

"Yeah, but then I feel like you're about to play me like some kind of instrument."

"... how do we keep getting side tracked?" Holly was chuckling, and , to Dan's surprise, it was as lovely as her moans. 

"I don't know," said Dan. "Maybe we're spending too much time around Ross."

"Are you insinuating my husband has a short attention span?"

"I'm not insinuating, Hol. I'm flat out stating."

"... fair enough," said Holly, and she laughed again. "Okay. But... I wish you were here, to put your hand s on my boobs."

"You know what I really wanna do?" Dan lowered his voice, licking his lips. "I wanna... I wanna spread your thighs open, and eat your sweet little pussy until you got squirt in my eyebrows."

"Oh!" Holly said, and there was that splashing again. Then a pause. "... that is simultaneously really sexy and really gross."

"I do my best, my darling," said Dan. Wait. Too flowery.

Oh well. Too late to turn back now.

"I want to eat you out," he told her. "I want to lick you until you're trying to pull my hair out, and you're riding my face. I want to finger you open, and press on your g-spot, until you've got a puddle under your butt. I want to feel your thighs quiver under my hand s, and I don't want you to be able to remember anything except my name...."

He was stroking himself faster, beginning to pant as he kept talking, the picture spinning out in front of him.

"And when you've cum... when you've cum as many times as you can stand ... I'm gonna... I'm gonna fuck you. I'm gonna line Excalibur up, and I'm gonna just... sliiiide him in, until you're all around me, and all I can feel is your heartbeat. Maybe I'll kiss your tits, suck on your nipples, as I start to fuck you."

"Oh, fuck, Dan, don't stop," panted Holly, and her voice was needy. "Please, don't stop!" 

"How do you want me to give it to you, sweetheart? Do you want me fuck you sweet and slow, or do you want me to pound you into the fucking mattress?" His eyes were closed, and he could see it - her face scrunched up, her eyes squeezed shut, her chest turning red as he fucked her, tits bouncing with each thrust, her legs wrapped around his waist. 

"Oh god, Dan, I'm gonna cum, just keep going, please... don't stop talking, please, don't stop!" 

Holy fuck, Holly was actually begging him.

Holy fuck. 

"I'll fucking... rail you, baby," Dan growled, reaching down with his other hand to play with his balls. "Fuck, I'll fuck you so hard that the headboard will leave a dent in the wall, I'll fuck you so good you won't be able to use your legs after, oh, god, Holly, I'm gonna cum, fuck, fuck, fuuuuuuck...."

His orgasm hit him like a blackjack to the head, and all he could do was lie back and pant, milking his cock desperately as it shot across his chest in long, thick ropes, leaving him panting and drained, panting. 

"Dan, oh, Dan, oh god, oh god oh...." Holly trailed off, and she made a pained noise, then began to breathe more rapidly. Then she sighed, and there was a loud splash - presumably the rest of her relaxing into the water. 

"Was it good for you, baby?" Dan panted, high on endorphins. 

"... can I see a picture?" Holly sounded shy again. "Of, um... the results. I mean, if here's anything to take a picture of?"

"You want a jizz shot, you can totally have one," Dan said, keeping his tone earnest as he fumbled for his phone's camera. 

"I... I like knowing that what I do has an effect," said Holly. 

"Say no more," said Dan, snapping a picture. He even added a thumbs up, to go with his sticky chest. 

"Wow," said Holly. "That's... that's a lot of jizz."

"I don't suppose you could send me something similar?"

"Sorry," said Holly, and she sounded genuinely apologetic. "The bath water diluted everything. But, um, it was... it was a doozy of an orgasm."

"Oh my god, you are so cute," said Dan.

There was an awkward silence, and Dan mentally kicked himself. 

"I'll, uh... I'll let you go now," said Holly. "Talk to you tomorrow?"

"Totally," said Dan. "and , uh, do you still want to get together? On the Saturday? If that was just... just a lust filled babble, I totally get that. That'd be okay."

"Yeah, I totally do," said Holly. "Can I come over to your place?

"Sure," said Dan. "Gives me an excuse to clean." Wait. "Not that I need an excuse. Or that I see you as an excuse."

"Night, Dan," said Holly, and she sounded amused. "Thanks for the awesome orgasm."

"Night," said Dan. "You too!"

She hung up, and Dan stared at his phone, grinning goofily for almost a minute.

Then the enormity of what he had just done hit him.

"Shit. I need to talk to Ross." 

* * * 

Ross was late for work the next morning, and he was wearing the same shirt. He seemed to be in a pretty good mood, which at least made approaching him a bit easier. 

“Um.” Dan sidled over to Ross’s desk, and he had his hands stuffed in his pockets. 

He had woken up to a morning selfie of Holly, the early morning sunlight dappling her breasts and belly, her face sleepy and her hair mussed. He had sent her one back, of his hand around his bare cock, and then he had jerked off so hard that he’d gotten cum on his chin.

What was it about her that made him feel so… horny? It was more than horny, too. Something… energetic, something complicated that was climbing up his spine, using each vertebra like a rung of a ladder, right into his… what? His mind? His heart? 

“What’s up?” Ross’s voice cleared Dan out of his reverie, and he cleared his throat.

“Can I talk to you? Like, in private?”

“Are you going to finally admit your intense attraction to me, so we can begin our whirlwind love affair?” Ross’s voice was deadpan. 

Dan rolled his eyes and shoved Ross into the empty recording room. 

“So, uh, you and Holly are doing the whole… poly thing, right?” Dan rubbed his hands together, then shoved them back in his pockets, shifting from foot to foot.

“Is this because you and Holly were fucking around last night?” Ross looked amused. “Dude, whatever you get up to with her is your business, unless it ends up impacting me and Holly’s relationship.” He cleared his throat. “You’re both adults, and ... I know you’re a good guy, Dan. I trust you.”

Dan blushed, genuinely touched. “I was, um… I was worried it might… you know, cause a problem. Since we work together.” He wasn’t even surprised that Holly had already told Ross, when he sat back and thought about it. Those two were pretty close.

Ross shrugged. “You’re both adults,” he said. “It’s not like you’re gonna… I dunno, beg her to run off to Vegas with you and get married or something, right?”

“Fuck no,” Dan said. 

“So I don’t really see how it’s my business,” said Ross. He patted Dan on the shoulder, his cheeks still pink with sincerity. “Thanks for being worried, man. I appreciate it.” He left the room, still almost bouncing. 

That must have been some date he’d been on.

“What was all that about?” Arin was sitting at his own desk, watching Ross and Dan leave the empty room.

“Dan is having a whirlwind affair with my wife and wanted to inform me about it,” Ross said, deadpan.

“Fine, don’t tell me,” said Arin. He made eye contact with Dan, and Dan smiled at him nervously, but gave a thumbs up. 

This was going to be okay. 

Or at least, it wasn’t going to fall apart the way that Dan had worried about. 

Maybe things would find some other, more exciting way to fall apart! 

Life is full of fun surprises like that. 

* * * 

The week went by in a wash of recording sessions, Grumping, sushi, and more sexts from Holly. 

There were other texts as well - even the horniest of us can’t make every conversation smutty, although not for lack of trying. There were pigeon pictures, bad jokes, discussions on the merits of different fabrics, complaints  
about movies….

The weirdest part - it didn’t feel… forced. It didn’t feel like it was a performance. She was genuinely interested in him, which was the weirdest part - she asked for dick pics, or pictures of him sucking his fingers, or of him playing with his nipples. She sent him pictures of her breasts, of her thighs, her hands, her face. 

It got to the point that he was sneaking into the bathroom at work, jerking off desperately, the hem of his shirt in his mouth to keep it clean and to keep from making noise, sending her a picture of Excalibur in his full glory, as she sent him a picture back, of her hand between her legs, disappearing down into her pants. 

It was like being a teenager again, minus the acne and lack of agency. 

* * *  
He was anxious all of Saturday. He cleaned - he cleaned with a manic proficiency, going so far as to vacuum under the couch and change the sheets in the guest bed, and his own bed. It was a good thing he lived alone - Barry always started asking questions when he got antsy like this. 

When his doorbell rang, at six o’clock, Dan nearly jumped out of his skin. He checked his reflection - he was wearing a button down for a change, and a nicer pair of jeans - and then he opened the door. 

Holly stood on his front porch, and she was lovely.

There were probably a bunch of other adjectives he could have used - radiant, beautiful, sexy, amazing - but in the light of the porch, her eyes were bright, and her lips were pink. She looked so beautiful that his chest was going to burst.

… what the fuck, man. When had he gotten this sappy?

It had been a while.

“While I appreciate you smiling at me, it’s kinda chilly,” said Holly, and she laughed nervously. “Could I come in, maybe?”

“Oh! Right! I’m sorry!” Dan stepped aside, and let her in, closing and locking the door behind her.

Wait. Shit. Did that send the wrong message? He’d read somewhere that locking a door after someone was a sign of aggression, because -

“Dan?” Holly looked up at him, her expression worried. “Are you alright? You look worried.”

“No, no, I’m fine.” He laughed, nervously. “I’m, uh… it’s been a while. Since I’ve had someone over, who was… you know, who expressed interest in me. Or that I was interested in.”

“I’d like to think I’ve expressed more than interest,” said Holly, and she shrugged out of her coat, opening the closet and hanging her coat up on a hanger. “You’ve got enough pictures to pretty much ruin my career.”

“I mean, uh, same,” said Dan, and he laughed again, a bit more genuine. “It would be mutually assured destruction.”

“I’m not sure if that’s comforting or not,” said Holly, looking slightly uncomfortable.

“Right, right, sorry,” said Dan. 

“It’s alright,” said Holly. “I’m the one who started us down that line of thought.”

They stood there in awkward silence for a moment, then Dan cleared his throat.

“Can I get you anything to drink? I don’t have any booze, but if you’d like some water, or maybe some juice, there’s plenty of that.”

“I’d love some water,” said Holly. “Thank you.”

Dan took the opportunity to look her up and down. She was wearing a white dress printed with little owls - it was low cut enough that he could see her collarbones, and she was wearing black leggings and white socks. 

They made more awkward small talk as Dan got her a glass of water, and the knot of anxiety in Dan’s stomach pulled tighter and tighter. 

This had been a bad idea. They weren’t compatible in the real world. He should have just been happy with having a new sexting buddy - or maybe even that was too much. 

“You know,” said Holly, and she sounded nervous, but amused. “You haven’t actually sent me any pictures of your butt.”

“It’d be kind of hard to take a picture of my own butt,” said Dan. “I’d have to, like, contort myself in front of a mirror.”

Holly moved to step behind him, and her eyes were trained downward. 

“I was talking with Suzy about your butt,” she said. “I didn’t mention… what we’ve been doing,” she added quickly, no doubt seeing Dan stiffen up. “But we were rating butts in the office.”

“What, that’s a thing that you do?” Dan looked at her over his shoulder, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m not telling you this,” Holly said. 

“Oh, obviously not,” Dan agreed. 

“But we agreed that you’ve got the flattest butt.”

“Who has the biggest butt?”

“Arin.”

“... yeah, that’s fair.” 

“You look nice tonight,” said Holly. “It’s, uh… it’s nice to be able to see your butt. Sort of.”

“If you really want to see my butt, I can drop trou,” said Dan, turning around. 

She was standing awfully close to him, and she’d put her glass of water down onto the countertop. 

“I dunno. I kinda like the mystery of it,” said Holly. “Not knowing what it looks like yet.” 

“I mean, I’m in the same boat,” Dan said. He was beginning to get hard. Oh god. 

He was looking into her eyes, and they looked the same way they did when they had cuddled up together on the couch - sleepy, and dark. 

Holly was the one who initiated the kiss - she stood on tiptoe, putting one hand on his shoulder to pull him a bit closer, and kissing him on the mouth, her lips dry and soft. 

“Oh,” said Dan, when she pulled back, looking at him nervously. 

“I’m sorry, I should have asked, or -” 

“No, no, that was, uh… that was nice,” said Dan. “I just didn’t, um, didn’t… expect it.” He smiled down at her nervously, and then he leaned down, slowly, giving her plenty of time to pull back if she wanted to.

She moved her hands to his hair, burying them in it, her palms flat against his skull. 

He kissed her this time, his hand s going to her hips. He pressed his lips against her and held them there, then moved his head, just a bit.

She kissed him back, pressing closer to him, her breasts soft against his chest, her tongue swiping at the seam of his lips. 

He opened his mouth, letting her tongue in, and he met her tongue with his own, tracing along the side of it, then further in, tasting the shape of her teeth, the softness of her cheeks. 

Holly broke the kiss, breathing heavily, and she licked her lips, looking up at him with glassy eyes. 

“Let’s… let’s sit down,” said Holly. “It can’t be… it can’t be very sanitary to make out with someone in the kitchen.

“Right,” said Dan, although he was loath to let go of her. She was so warm, so soft. She smelled faintly like that selfsame shampoo that had gotten them to this spot, and a bit like perfume. She tasted like herself, and he wanted to chase that taste, until it filled his whole mind up, like a glass full of water. 

Holly sat on the couch, right in the middle, and she giggled, covering her swollen lips with one hand . 

“What’s so funny?” Dan brought her glass of water with him, setting it on the coffee table. 

“I feel like we should… have the television on, or something.” She was twisting the hem of her dress around and around her fingers. “Like we’re teenagers who are on the couch of plausible deniability.”

“The couch of plausible deniability?” Dan raised an eyebrow, and he sat next to her, cautiously wrapping an arm around her shoulders. 

She snuggled up to him like she had before, tucking her head under his chin, one of the buttons of his shirt pressed against her cheek. 

“It’s from this advice column I like to read,” she told him, her voice buzzing quietly across his skin. “You go hang out with a person you like to… watch a movie.” She pulled back from him, waggling her eyebrows comically, which made him snicker. “Maybe you get a blanket out, and maybe hand s wander, but hey, you’re watching a movie. Why else would you be sitting on the couch?” 

“I think we’ve moved past the point of plausible deniability,” said Dan. “I think around the time I told you that I want to eat you out.”

Welp. He’d put it out there. Again. Sort of. 

Had he always been this awkward, or was he getting worse with age? 

“If I’ve learned anything from politics, anything is deniable,” said Holly. Her hand was on his chest now, and it was awfully close to his nipple. He wondered if she could feel how fast his heart was beating.

“Do you want me to turn the television on? Put on a movie or something?” 

Holly turned her face up towards him, and she kissed him. 

This was a better kiss. It was hot and wet, it was sweet, with the new-but-familiar push and pull of mouths against each other. She was sighing against his mouth, as his hands moved from her sides to her chest, cupping her breasts through her dress and her bra, then kneading them gently. Time slowed down, or sped up, or something, and it was just their two warm bodies pressed together, breathing each other’s breath.

“Oh,” Holly mumbled against his lips, pulling back and panting. “Oh, that’s… nice.”

“Just nice?” He pushed the neckline of her dress down further, baring more skin. “I guess I should step my game up, huh?” 

Holly moaned when his head moved down, to nuzzle into her cleavage. Then she patted him on the shoulder, coughing. 

“Dan?”

“Mmm?”

“I hate to be a killjoy, but could we pause for a sec?”

Dan pulled back, his expression worried. “Is everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah, everything's fine,” said Holly. “But, uh… could you tie your hair back, please? It’s getting up my nose.”

“Oh, sure, hold on a sec.” Dan got up, trying to walk and at least partially hide his erection at the same time, although he wasn’t sure why he was so shy about it. 

It wasn’t like she hadn’t seen god knew how many pictures of it already. 

When he came back from the bathroom, hair secured in a ponytail, she was sprawled on her back on the couch, looking nervous, but with the pink cheeked lip biting he was coming to recognize as a sign of her arousal. 

“Hi,” said Holly. 

“Hi,” said Dan. He looked down at her. “Is it okay if I, um… if lie on top of you?”

“It’s kinda why I got in this position in the first place,” said Holly. 

“Fair enough,” Dan said, and he licked his lips, resting his knee next to her thigh, so that it was squashed by the cushions. 

It wasn’t a very wide couch - there almost wasn’t any room for the both of them. He ended up with his feet dangling over the edge of the couch, but that didn’t matter, because she was kissing him again, and this time, when he began to kiss down her chest, her fingers went to his ponytail and just held on tightly. 

He nibbled along the line of her breast, down to the neckline of her dress, then ran into the cup of her bra.

“Can I…?” He tugged on the strap of her bra.

“Yeah, hold on.” Holly propped herself up on her elbows, and Dan wrapped his arms around her, his face pressed into her breasts, his hands fumbling her bra open.

Thankfully, he’d practiced this, a lot more than he probably needed to. He could probably undo a bra in his sleep these days. 

She sighed when he undid her bra, and he pushed the cups down, watching, rapt, as the peaks of her nipples were revealed, poking through the thin fabric of her dress. 

Dan propped himself up onto his elbows, his hips grinding absently against her, and he flicked his thumbs across her nipples, his eyes darting from his own hands to her face as she bit her lip, meeting his gaze. 

“Probably not as exciting as you thought it would be,” Holly said, and she sounded apologetic. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Dan pinched one nipple, pulling on it, and she made that same delightful little squealing moan that she had made in the bathtub, lo those many days ago. 

“I dunno,” Holly mumbled, and her face was turning pinker than her hair. “I, uh… I feel like I should be doing more for you.”

“You’re doing plenty,” Dan said. “I should be thanking you for letting me touch your totally hot bod.”

Holly covered her eyes with both hand s. 

“You did not just say I have a hot bod.”

“I totally did,” said Dan. “I’d go so far as to call it a _smoking_ hot bod.”

“You are such a dork,” said Holly, her tone fond.

“No,” said Dan, and he ground against her thigh, his cock hard and insistent. “This is a dork. I’m just a lover of the female form.”

Something happened on her face. Something complicated, a little pained.

“You love all women’s bodies,” she agreed, and she sounded… sad. Sort of? Regretful?

“I especially love yours,” Dan said quickly, and oh fuck, that was… that was a big word. That was a big word to bring in at a point like this. A very big word. 

Thankfully, she seemed a bit too lust addled to really pay attention to the greater meaning behind it. 

“I’m glad,” she said. “I know I’m not really your type.”

“What gave you that idea?” His hands were back on her breasts, plucking her nipples through her dress. He liked the way it made her squirm under him, her hips shifting restlessly. 

“I’ve… heard you talk about the kinda women you like,” said Holly, and she was biting back moans, her squirming becoming more pronounced with every pull and pinch. 

“You’re fucking amazing,” Dan told her, and he didn’t even try to keep the wonder out of his voice. “I wouldn’t wanna be doing this with anyone else.”

“What, really?” She looked like she didn’t believe him. 

Time to bring out the big guns.

Dan leaned forward, taking her nipple (and her dress) into his mouth and sucking hard. 

“Oh!” Holly let go of his hair, and when he glanced up, he saw that she was covering her mouth with one hand , her other one tangling in her hair. 

“I remembered how much you like that,” Dan said, and he plucked at her dress. “How about… hot about we get this off? It might make things a bit easier. 

“I knew this was all a ploy to get me naked,” Holly murmured, but she looked more amused than annoyed. 

“I’m not even gonna dignify that with a response,” Dan said, with some dignity. There was some more wriggling, and then he was pulling her dress up and off of her, taking her bra with it, leaving her naked from the waist up, her cheeks pink and her breasts heaving. 

Dan sat back to admire her, licking his lips. Her breasts jiggled a bit, every time she took a breath, and she was turning pink, from her cheeks to her chest. 

She looked even better in person.

“You’ve seen it all before,” Holly said, sounding nervous.

“Well, yes,” said Dan, reaching down to cup one breast in his hand , her nipple hard against his fingers. “But I haven’t had a chance to touch them yet.” 

“You’ve touched boobs before,” said Holly, a bit breathless, as Dan’s other hand came into play, squeezing her other breast, then plucking at her nipples. She gasped, her head thrown back and her eyes squeezing shut as her hips rocked up against his. 

“Maybe,” said Dan, “but they weren’t _your_ boobs.” 

“F-fair,” said Holly. Her voice was going a bit dreamy. 

Dan chuckled, and he leaned down, kissing along her breast, then moving to her nipple, taking it into his mouth and sucking, just hard enough to make her spasm against him, a small cry spilling out of her mouth. 

Holly was just so responsive, and he delighted in finding every different noise that she could make. She whimpered when he pinched her nipples, gasped when he tugged on them, moaned when he sucked them. 

Dan nudged a leg between hers, his knee right up against the crotch of her leggings, and they were cold, wet, and sticky already, even through his jeans. He had one foot on the floor now, and he used it to brace himself, straddling her thigh, trying not to hump her leg like a dog. 

“Oh, fuck, Dan,” Holly moaned, and she was bearing down on his knee, her hips working desperately. 

Dan pulled off of her nipple, kissing the tip. They were both swollen now, a darker pink, and there was a faint sheen of sweat clinging to her. 

“Baby, honey, sweetie,” he crooned, “I wanna eat you out. Please, I wanna taste you, can I taste you?”

“Do you want me to….” Holly blinked down at him, rubbing her eyes, still panting. “You’ve been doing so much for me, I don’t want you to think I don’t think you’re hot or something, I totally - _oh_!” 

Dan’s hand had slid down between her legs, and was cautiously squeezing her pussy. 

“There’s nothing I’d rather be doing right now,” Dan told her, the heel of his hand where he thought her clit was. “You’re fucking… Holly, I just….”

“Real eloquent,” Holly panted, and she was grinning at him, grabbing a throw pillow and shoving it under her, so that she could see him over the curve of her belly, as he kissed lower. 

“Baby,” Dan said, kissing down the softness of her stomach, then pausing at the waistband of her leggings. “Can I… can I take them off?” 

“It doesn’t seem fair,” said Holly, “that you’re getting me naked, when you’re still fully clothed.” She cleared her throat, and she looked embarrassed. “Um. Also. If you’re going to, uh… if you’re going to eat me out, you might want to take your shirt off?”

“Are we talking a Seaworld type situation here?” 

“Seaworld?” She cocked her head, looking at him confused. 

“If you sit here, you will get splashed. Which is, you know, fucking hot as hell.” Dan sat up, beginning to unbutton his shirt. 

“I… get kinda slippery,” Holly said, and she looked embarrassed. “I’ve been known to squirt. Sometimes. Maybe we shouldn’t be doing this on your couch.” She paused. “Actually. Um. Do you want to use a dental dam?”

“If you’d like me to,” said Dan. He tried to keep his expression neutral - he wasn’t exactly fond of them, but he’d be willing to go along with it, if it was what Holly needed to feel comfortable. 

“I’m okay,” said Holly. “I mean, I don’t want to make any assumptions, but I kinda assumed that if you had any STIs or whatever, you’d have told me already.”

“Yeah, I don’t have any,” said Dan. “I’m not sleeping with anyone else, either.”

Holly laughed, breathless, and she was watching his hand s as he unbuttoned the final button of his shirt, leaving i gaping open. “Some timing I have, huh? Right in the thick of things.”

“Oh, things are pretty thick,” said Dan, and he shot a meaningful glance down at his erection, then back at her face.

“Oh my god,” Holly groaned. “You’re worse than Ross.”

“Maybe you have a type,” said Dan, tossing his shirt to the side. He was always self conscious about baring this much skin in front of someone else, but she was eyeing him appreciatively, licking her lips. 

“Nerds who make bad jokes?”

“There are weirder types,” said Dan, pulling her leggings down and taking her panties with them. 

“So to be clear,” Holly said. “You’re okay with being… fluid bonded with me?”

“Yeah,” said Dan. “At least, for, uh… eating you out. I’ll use a condom, if that’s okay?”

“Yeah, I was gonna ask for that,” said Dan. 

“Okay,” said Holly, and she flopped back down, no longer propped up on her elbows. “I did the responsible adult thing. Now I can just lie back and enjoy myself.”

“If you just lie there, I’m not working hard enough,” said Dan, and he finally had her panties and her leggings off - he’d even taken her socks with it. He looked down, and he licked his lips.

She was wet. She was wet enough that it had smeared across her thighs, like something out of one of the seedier types of hentai. Her pubic hair was pasted down with slick, and her clit was already erect, poking out. 

“Oh geez,” Holly mumbled, and she put a hand between her legs, covering herself. She was blushing harder. “I feel pretty… exposed.”

Dan took her hand , leaning forward and kissing it. He licked the stickiness off of her palm, and got the first taste of her - sour and sweet, sharp. It made his cock throb harder, and he licked his lips, beginning to lap at each of her fingers, then sucking on them, flickering his tongue along each tip. 

“Oh,” Holly murmured, but she kept his gaze as he sucked on each finger, kissing the tip, before moving to the next one. 

“You’re fucking amazing,” Dan said, his voice rough. “Please? Can I eat you out?"

Holly spread her legs awkwardly, one foot on the floor, one flung over the back of the couch. 

Dan pressed forward, kissing along her thighs. His hair was already beginning to slip from the hair tie, and her hands were resting on the top of his head as he licked the stickiness off of her, then pressed closer, until he was close enough to inhale her scent. The tip of his nose almost touching her vulva. 

“Are you ready?” 

Holly giggled, breathless. “I’m ready,” she said. “I hope the actual act is as good as the build up….” 

“I’ll do my best,” Dan said, and he felt her shiver at the little puffs of air against her vulva. 

She moaned when he licked her - a long stripe, along her slit. He pressed closer, one knee on the couch, one on the floor, spreading her open with his fingers and licking her, starting from her hole and ending at her clit, before circling around her clit, locking his lips around it and flickering the tip of his tongue along it, as she hunched against him, one of her feet resting on his back, her heel digging in.

It kinda hurt, but who cared?

She was grinding against his face now, moaning, although it was muffled. When he glanced up, he saw that she was pressing down on her mouth with one hand , and oh no, that wouldn’t do.

“I wanna hear you,” he told her, resting his chin on her belly. “Please?”

“Won’t your neighbors mind?” She was panting, pink faced, sweat dripping down her cheeks. She looked a mess, her hair mussed from where she had been grabbing it, 

“They can’t hear Arin when he’s on a rant,” said Dan. “I don’t think they’d be able to hear you if I hooked you up to a mic.”

“Please don’t hook me up to a mic,” Holly said earnestly. 

“I won’t,” Dan promised, and he sealed it with a kiss, right on her clitoris. 

“Ah!” Holly’s hips stuttered forward, and Dan grinned. 

He pushed his whole face forward, using his nose on her clit as he licked at her hole, gathering more wetness. She hadn’t been kidding about the splash zone - she was gushing arousal, and more seemed to be coming out of her with every lick he gave. 

Holly was moaning, panting, gasping, and it was… it was magical. That was the only way to describe it. He wanted to stay here forever, hearing her make those noises, watching her face, pulling back now and then to see how her pussy was turning a darker pink.

“Please,” Holly mumbled. “Please. Could you… could you finger me, please?”

“Anything for you,” Dan said, and that had come out of nowhere. It was tinged with actual sincerity, and he glanced up at her nervously, but she seemed too absorbed in the sensations to notice. 

He slid two fingers into her, knuckle by knuckle, and she was holding onto him, clenching down. He curved his fingers cautiously, his fingertips searching for the change in texture.

She thrashed when he found it, sobbing, and he pressed down on it again, leaning down to press the tip of his tongue against her clit, circling it, then twitching over it. 

“Oh, fuck, Dan, Dan!” Her voice broke, and her hips were jerking against his face, grinding her pussy into his face, and she was tightening around him, squeezing him harder, and he doubled his assault on her clit, until she was seizing around him, shaking, her thighs like rocks her stomach tensing up. 

“C’mon, give it to me, come on, yeah…,” Dan crooned, then went back to sucking and licking, pressing down harder, as her pussy sucked his fingers up, then spasmed around him.

Holly came like a hurricane, her whole body shaking, more fluid dripping past Dan’s fingers, spattering down his chin. She was shaking and twitching for almost a minute, and when she finally calmed down, she was panting, red faced. 

“Sorry about that,” she mumbled.

“Sorry about what? Like, the hottest orgasm I’ve ever seen?” He grinned down at her, and a gush of fluid went with his finger, leaving a dark spot on his couch.

“Oh, crap, I’m so sorry,” said Holly. “I’ll clean your couch, just give me a minute….”

“I’ve got that special whatsit,” said Dan. “Enzyme spray.” He licked the squirt off of his fingers, and then he licked his lips. “If you’re… still up for it, could I maybe fuck you?”

“God, yes,” Holly said, and she spread her legs wider, giving him a better view of her hole, which was still twitching ever so slightly. “Please!”

“Just… one sec,” said Dan, and he leaned over, groping in the end table with his sticky fingers, pulling out a condom, removing the wrapper in a record time, and shoving his pants down, all in one motion. 

“Holy shit,” said Holly, and her eyes were wide. “It’s… it looks bigger in person.”

“Sorry,” said Dan. “Do you, uh… would you rather I maybe jerked off on your stomach or something?” 

“No, no,” said Holly. “I’m… good, I’m good, I’m just, uh… impressed.”

“What’s it like to finally see him in person?” He flexed his cock, just to see her roll her eyes and grin.

“The span ex doesn’t do it justice,” said Holly, and she angled her hips up towards him. “Please?”

“Since you asked so nicely,” Dan teased, and he shuffled closer, holding her thighs open, one foot on the floor, his other knee bent and resting on the couch. “Are you ready?” He rubbed the tip of his cock against her entrance, just prodding it gently, and he smiled at the way it made her whimper. 

“I’m ready,” she told him. 

“Aye aye, captain,” said Dan, and he pushed himself into her, one long, slow stroke, until he was fully seated. He could feel her clit, poking his groin. It was still hard. 

“Oh my god, you did not just quote Spongebob,” said Holly, “You did n _ot_.” 

“I totally did,” Dan said, and he was grinning at her. He flexed his cock again, and she whimpered, grinding up against him, thrusting shallowly. 

“Oh my god,” Holly said, and she started to giggle.

It made her pulse around him, which made his cock throb in response, until it felt like something out of an Edgar Allan Poe short story.

Wait. No. What? 

He was so horny that his brain was chasing itself weird, crazed circles. 

“Can I move?” He was going to cum embarrassingly fast, at this rate. She felt so good around him, tight and hot and familiar, but alien at the same time. 

“Please,” Holly panted, and she was still trying to thrust against him. 

He thrust back against her, his hips stuttering forward, withdrawing partially, then slamming back in, one hand on her ankle, nearly folding her in half. 

“Oh, god, Dan, you’re so big,” Holly mumbled, and she blushed, biting her lip. 

Dan leaned down, and he kissed her, his lips still sticky with her squirt and slick, her nipples hard against his bare chest. He brought his thumb around, to roll across her clit, and he picked up the pace as she moaned and jolted against him, panting and whining against his lips.

“Holy fuck, Dan, I’m… oh god, Dan, I’m gonna cum again,” she mumbled, and she was clearly embarrassed.

He kissed the roses in her cheeks, down the line of her neck, finding a sweet spot behind her ear to suck and nibble, almost hard enough to leave a mark, but not quite. 

“Do it,” he said in her ear, his own voice a bit more breathy than he would have liked it to be. “Do it, cum around my dick, I wanna feel it, do it!”

She arched against him, her hips stuttering and jerking against him, her whole body shivering and shuddering against him, her cunt spasming around him as she came and came, more wetness trickling out from around his cock, and he felt her get wetter, as if that was possible. 

It took him a few more minutes for him to cum, and she lay under him, her hand s on his shoulders, occasionally moving to his hair, tugging on it, whispering encouraging and filth in his ear.

“You look so good, your whole face is so red, I bet you’re gonna cum so hard, I can’t wait to feel it, I’ve been getting off to the idea of seeing you cum, please, Dan, I want to see it, I want to _feel_ it….”

He came inside of her with a muffled yelp, seating himself as deep as he could get as his penis swelled inside of her, spitting cum into the condom, leaving him spent. 

He slumped forward, light headed, and he pressed his face into her neck, kissing the sweaty skin there. 

“You’re gonna have a flood on your hand s,” Holly mumbled into his hair. “Well, I mean… on your dick. and then on your couch.”

“I can deal with that in a second,” Dan said, and he shifted upright enough to kiss her on the mouth, sharing the sour-sticky-sweet taste of her own slick with her. 

She smiled at him, and something low in his belly contracted, almost painfully. 

It was the sweetest smile he’d ever seen, and he wanted to see more of it, as often as possible.

But that was a scary thought, and not one he was going to pursue. Especially not now, when his limbs were heavy with arousal induced exhaustion. 

“We should get food,’ Holly mumbled, stroking down his back. her palms were sweaty, and warm. They brought goosebumps up along his skin, little trails of shivers that followed her fingernails. 

“Sounds like a plan,” said Dan, but he made no move to get up. 

* * *  
and so it went, for a good three months. 

She came over - or he went over - and they fucked. They went to a few movies together, they had dinner, they took one memorable drive that ended in her blowing him in a parking lot, he retaliated by fingering her in the back of a movie theater. 

It was the kind of sexual chemistry that Dan hadn’t experienced in years, the kind that left him almost stupid. 

Everyone noticed the change in him - he had more energy, he made more jokes. There were a few polite (and not so polite, in Arin’s case) inquiries as to what he was up to, but he kept mum. 

Holly had asked for them to be discreet, and discreet he could be. All the parties involved knew what was going on, and that was the important part, right?

He tried to squash down the little bloom of jealousy he felt every time Holly kissed Ross in front of their friends. 

After all, it wouldn’t do to cause a fuss, when it was just them fucking around, right? 

* * * 

_I’ve got an idea._

Dan glanced at his phone, then put his notepad down, rubbing his eyes. He’d been working on lyrics for almost three hours, and he was getting a headache. It was late enough that it was almost early.

_What kind of an idea?_

_How do you feel about butt stuff?_

Dan raised an eyebrow. When he’d suggested anal, Holly had shook her head, and that was fair enough. Not a lot of women were that into anal, as far as he had experienced. 

_Changed your mind, huh?_

_... sort of. I may have done something on impulse._

She sent him a picture of her face, and she looked cute and slightly guilty.

Well, she always looked cute. 

_What kind of impulse are we talking here? Like, weird body mod impulse, or ugly new rug impulse?_

Another picture arrived on his phone, and his eyebrows tried to join his hairline. 

Holly was wearing a strap on. It was a rainbow strap on, a thick, heavy thing, that curved slightly to the left. She was wearing a harness that looked like a pair of briefs, and they sat snug on her hips. 

_When did you get that monster?!_

_Last week. I’ve been kinda nervous about bringing it up._

_Why?_

_Because you’re Daniel “no homo” Avidan. I didn’t want to scare you off._

_I haven’t said “no homo” since, like, 2014. Besides, we’ve been together for like… a quarter of a year. It’d be hard to scare me off._

The familiar jolt of terror, at mentioning whatever it was that they were (or weren’t), went off in his gut, but he shoved it aside. Fuck it. If she was going to be scared off by him talking about stuff… well, no, he’d be devastated, but he was getting sick of shying away from everything related to feelings. 

_Shit. It has been that long._

_So you wanna plunder my virgin booty hole with your mighty rainbow shaft?_

_Please don’t ever call it a booty hole. I think you killed my boner, and it’s made of silicone._

_A thousand pardons. So you wanna do me in the butt?_

_Yeah. I wanna do you in the butt._

_You can fuck my butt if I can fuck your butt._

Holly sent him a picture message giving him a thumbs up, and Dan had to grin. She was wearing such a goofy look, and he just wanted to kiss her. 

_Friday night? I’ll send you some web pages with info, and I’ll bring the lube. You can get other supplies, right?_

_Sure, just give me a list._

What “other supplies”? Condoms and lube - that was what was necessary, wasn’t it?

_Thanks for being so open minded._

_I didn’t get to be this old without trying new things now and again._

_I can’t wait!_

Another picture of her strap on, this time with her hand wrapped around it, like she was jerking it off. 

And okay, that was kind of hot. Excalibur made his interest known, swelling up in Dan’s jeans.

* * * 

“So did you do all the stuff?”

Holly leaned on Dan’s kitchen table, her chin in her hand s, as he bustled about, putting away the chocolate cake she had brought him. 

“Yes, Holly,” Dan said, in a long suffering tone.

Only for Holly would he give himself an enema. Possibly one of the unpleasant hour and a half of his life, in the last few months. 

… admittedly, the last few months had been excellent, but still. 

“Your butt is all ready for ravishing!” Holly was practically bouncing. 

“You’re lucky you’re so cute,” said Dan, leaning down to kiss her. She had a backpack, and she had put it on the table. 

“Why?” She kissed him, and the brush of lips still sent a bit of a thrill through him, a shiver that started at the base of his spine, to spread through his belly like a drink of hot water. 

As of late, something fluttered in his chest too, but that… that was a bit too complicated, and he was confronting enough weird things tonight. 

“Because… I wouldn’t let just anyone take my pristine virgin asshole,” said Dan earnestly, lacing their fingers together and kissing her knuckles. 

Holly closed her eyes, then stared up at the ceiling. 

“Only you,” she told him.

“Only I am this devilishly hand some, sexy, and funny?” He wrapped his arms around her, leaning over her chair. He held on to her breasts, his chin on her head, and he felt her heart beating under his palm. 

“Sure,” said Holly. “Totally. Out of all the people I’ve been dating, you’re the most of all of those things.”

Dan froze. 

“You’ve been, uh… you’ve been dating other people?” There was a stone in his throat, dropping down to splash in his stomach. He could feel the acid rising in his throat.

What the fuck?! They weren’t exclusive. He knew they weren’t exclusive. They weren’t official or anything. 

Was he upset with the idea of her with someone else, or the idea of her seeing someone else without telling him? 

“I went on a date with someone after the first time we fucked on your couch,” said Holly, and she must have sensed Dan’s discomfort, because her hands covered his, and her heart was speeding up. “It was with that woman I had a crush on. It… didn’t go well.”

“Do you, uh… are you looking for anyone else?” He tried to imagine Holly with someone else, and that… it wasn’t exactly his favorite thing in the world, but it wasn’t that same acidic wash of fear rushing over him.

So it was the not knowing that got to him. Okay. That explained it. 

That still didn’t really work for a no strings attached whatever the fuck it was they had going, but at least he wasn’t some kind of creepy jealous monster out of your seedier romance novel. 

“Not really,” said Holly. “Between you and Ross, I’m feeling pretty fulfilled.” She squeezed his fingers. “I would, um… I’d like to have a girlfriend. At some point. But that’s… probably gonna take a while.” 

“Right,” said Dan. He sighed gustily, and he nuzzled into her hair, kissing the top of her head. “Are you… are you happy? With us?”

Dangerous territory. Very dangerous. 

“I’m gonna be happier once I see that dildo in your ass all the way up to the green,” said Holly, and that was the most blatant change of subject Dan had seen in his life, but she seemed just as antsy about the subject as he was, so he wasn’t going to push it. 

It was a good thing he didn’t drink anymore - he’d ended at least one relationship with that kind of pushiness. 

“I can assure you, I quiver with anticipation.” 

He’d looked up some pegging porn. It… could be pretty hot, when all parties involved were into it. He wasn’t so much into the angry dominatrix thing, but the stuff, where a girl and a guy (or a gender ambiguous person and a guy, or two gender ambiguous people, or some other combo that he had missed) messed around seemed pretty hot.

He was beginning to realize there wasn’t much he wouldn’t do for Holly. In the bedroom and out. 

That thought terrified him, but it wasn’t a trail to chase. At least, for now. 

“Shall we retire to the boudoir?” Dan bent lower, to kiss along her neck, fluttering his eyelashes so that they tickled against her cheek. 

“You’re so corny,” Holly said, and she was giggling as she stood up. 

* * * 

She asked him to suck her cock. 

That was sort of unexpected.

“Do you… you know, get anything out of it?” He sat on the bed, shirtless, watching her pull the strange strap on harness over her hips. It looked like a pair of underwear with a hole cut in the center, from which the heavy cok sat, curving down.  
“I won’t be able to really feel it,” said Holly. “But, um, I think it’d be pretty hot to see you doing it.” She looked down at her waist, and she snickered a bit in spite of herself, taking a step. “How do you walk anywhere, with this thing hanging off of you?” 

“Mine, while magnificent, is not quite that girthy,” said Dan. “Are you sure that’s gonna fit in me?” 

“I think so,” said Holly. She paused, looking stricken. “Sorry. Did I plan too ambitiously?” 

“Nah,” Dan said lightly. “I might just have to explain to Arin why I’m sitting funny.”

“Well, uh… just send him in my direction, and I’ll set him straight,” said Holly. She was blushing, biting her lip. 

“I’ll do that,” Dan said. He would contemplate exactly what that meant later. He was a bit too… something to think about it clearly. His cock was halfway to hard, not entirely sure if it was into the goings on, but not ruling out the opportunity for fun either.

Sometimes he put too much stock in his dick. 

“So… can you suck it?” She rubbed the head of the silicone cock against his lower lip, and he could smell the slightly medical quality of it. Must have been good silicone. 

It was a pretty realistic dildo, too - apart from the coloring, it was well proportioned, with veins, even a circumcision scar and a slit at the top. It even had balls! 

Which were blue. Because dildo makers have a weird sense of humor, or something.

“As my lady asks,” said Dan. He opened his mouth cautiously, leaning forward and taking the head of the cock into his mouth.

It didn’t really taste like anything. Like silicone, but what does silicone taste like? 

It was wide enough to stretch his lips open, and he sucked on it, flickering his tongue along the tip, then looking up, meeting Holly’s eyes. 

“You… you look pretty like that,” said Holly, her voice breathless. “With your mouth full of my cock.” 

Dan pulled back, keeping their eyes locked. He leaned forward, one hand on her hip, the other one wrapped around the shaft of the cock, and he licked it, from the balls to the tip, before taking the head into his mouth again, trying to swallow down more of it. 

He only got to about the yellow - it was harder than it looked!

He’d have to commend her, next time she gave him a blowjob. 

“That’s… mmm, Dan.” She was moaning, her fingers threading through his hair. “That’s really hot, Dan.” 

He took more of her cock into his mouth, letting it bulge through his cheek, the way he loved her to do.

At least he didn’t need to be careful about his teeth, apart from not actively chewing. This kind of silicone didn’t dent easily, did it? 

Holly tugged on his hair, pulling him off of her cock. 

“Mmm?” He suctioned his lips along the tip, then pulled back, making a big show of licking along the tip, still staring into her eyes. 

She leaned down, pulling her cock out of his mouth, leaning down to kiss him on the mouth, hard, straddling his lap. It was a desperate kiss, and he tasted something… complicated, in the urgency of it. Something complicated, that he wasn’t sure how to respond to it, except to wrap his arms around her, cradling her shoulder blades in his palms. 

“I want to fuck your ass,” she told him. “and I wanna see your face. That’s all I ask.”

“All you ask,” Dan agreed. “That’s totally doable. Like my butt is, apparently.”

“Your butt is totally doable,” said Holly. “It’s why I’m asking in the first place.”

“I think we may be going in circles here, dearest,” said Dan, and he grabbed a handful of her ass, squeezing it. “Although your butt is pretty doable as well.”

“About that,” Holly said, and she looked nervous. “Could we maybe start small? Your dick is kind of… intimidating.”

“And that thing isn’t?” He indicated the silicone thing pressing against his belly.

“Well, okay, fair,” said Holly. “But I figure you’re braver than I am, when it comes to trying new things.” 

“You’re just trying to butter me up, aren’t you?” Dan ground his erection against her butt. “Although I guess that’d make sense, since you wanna stick things in me.”

“We’re not using butter as lube,” said Holly quickly. “Plain ol’ sliquid.” 

“Not astroglide?”

“Not with this toy,” said Holly. “It’d melt it.”

“Huh. I didn’t know that lube could melt sex toys.”

“Could we maybe talk about this another time? When I’m not about to plow your ass?”

“Fair enough,” Dan said, and he kissed her again, and let her himself be pushed onto his back. 

There was some wrangling, some shuffling, and a lot of rearranging, before she had him flat on his back, a pillow (covered in a towel) tucked under his butt. His legs were spread, and his pelvis was tilted a bit odd.

His pants had been long since discarded. 

“You ready?” She was wearing a latex glove, to keep from scratching up his insides, and she was squeezing lube all over her fingers. 

“As ready as I’m gonna be,” said Dan, and he stared up at the ceiling as he felt her cold fingertips gently prod at his hole.

It was… strange. It was cold, and it was… well, he’d had a few prostate exams. This wasn’t the same, exactly - different angle, and he wasn’t nervous. Well, no, he was nervous, but it was a different type of nervous. 

His erection had gone down, but his eyes kept flicking to Holly’s face, as her eyes stayed transfixed on her hand . 

Her other hand , ungloved, was on his hip.

“You’re… you’re so warm inside,” said Holly, and she sounded almost… surprised. “Like… I didn’t think it’d be so warm.”

“Your hand is cold,” Dan countered, and he laughed, a bit shaky. It was a strange enough experience, that the conversation seemed… well, normal. 

“I’m sorry,” said Holly. “I’m not fancy enough to get something like a lube warmer.” She went a bit deeper, until her second knuckle was in him, and she was wriggling her finger, feeling around for his prostate. 

He knew he had one, logically - he had to, and it had been tapped enough times by a doctor that it had to exist. But he wasn’t explaining it to be that… interesting. 

Although Excalibur seemed to beg to differ, as he was perking up, pointing up towards Dan’s chin. 

“Is that even a real thing?” Dan widened his legs more, experimenting rocking his hips forward. 

“I would think you’d know better than I would,” said Holly, and she looked up at him through her bangs, smiling nervously. “You’ve been out tomcatting a lot longer than I have. Been married for four years, then just being with you.”

Dan blushed, and then he moaned, because she found something that made his whole body jolt forward, his cock leaking more fluid, his thighs tensing up against hers. 

“There it is,” said Holly, and she sounded amused. 

There was another cold finger prodding Dan’s hole, and then he was… fuller. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it, except that she was still pressing against his prostate, so who cared what she did, as long as she didn’t _stop_?

Dan writhed on the bed under her, humping against her hand , grabbing great handfuls of his sheets, twisting them, then covering his mouth with one hand , his eyes with the other. 

“No,” Holly said roughly, and her free hand grabbed one of his wrists. “I… I wanted to do it like this so I could see your face.” 

“S-sorry,” panted Dan. “It’s… it’s kind of overwhelming. Intense.”

“Do you want me to stop?” 

“No,” said Dan quickly. “No, please don’t stop, this is… this is really good.”

“Have I converted you to weird butt stuff?” She was grinning, and another finger was pressing into him, stretching him so much it was making his eyes cross, almost. It was… there was so much of it, and it was just… it was….

Dan made a strangled noise, and he shook under her as he came, his cock twitching, but not ejaculating. He was still shaking when she withdrew her fingers, looking concerned.

“Are you okay?” She leaned against him, and he could see down the front of her tank top. She hadn’t worn a bra. 

“Y-yeah,” said Dan, and he was still shaking, panting heavily, his cock twitching desperately against his belly. “I, uh… I didn’t know I could do that.”

“What, have a prostate orgasm?” Another finger was inside of him, and he whimpered, thrashing on the bed, humping her hand . He was stretched, he was… he was nothing but a mass of twitching limbs just now, and that was okay. 

“Yeah,” said Dan. “It’s a part of my anatomy I haven’t given much attention to.”

“You gonna start now?” Holly’s nipples were hard through her shirt, and she was panting almost as hard as Dan was, licking her lips and squeezing her thighs together. 

“Maybe if you asked me nicely,” Dan said sweetly, and then he nearly howled, as Holly twisted her fingers.

Holly rolled her eyes, but she looked amused as she began to fuck him harder, her muscles bunching under her skin, and he was transfixed with the sight of it, of the look of concentration in her eyes, of the ripples of pleasure and electricity that were still dancing under his own skin. 

“I, uh… I think you’re ready,” said Holly, and her voice was thick. “Do you?”

“I can’t see,” said Dan. “So I’m gonna have to take your word for it.” 

Holly pinched his thigh, and he made an indignant noise. 

“It’s you body,” she told him. “You’re the only one who can tell if you’re ready or not.”

She withdrew her fingers, and he felt immediately, desolately empty. 

“... I’m ready,” Dan said, and something complicated was knotting up in his stomach. He never thought he would do anything like this. Take anything into himself like this. “Does this make me gay?” He blurted out.

“I mean, I’m a woman, you’re a man, so no,” said Holly slowly. “But if you wanna pause and have a sexuality crisis, I can go and make tea.”

“No, no,” Dan said quickly. “I’d… I’ll be fine. Can we continue?”

“You absolutely sure? Any more deep questions?” 

“How deep do you think you could get that dick into me?”

Holly laughed, breaking the tension that had been building, and they both giggled, Dan somewhat nervously, watching her roll a condom on, then drizzle lube onto the rainbow cock, like ketchup on a hot dog.

“You’ll stop if I ask you to?” He hated how anxious he sounded. 

“Of course,” said Holly, and she patted his thigh. “I promise.” 

She pushed into him carefully, and Dan lay there and just… took it. He accepted it into his body, forcing himself to stay as relaxed as he could, until the soft fabric of the harness was against his balls, her pelvis pressed firmly against his. 

“You took it all,” Holly said, her voice thick. “How does it feel?” 

“Full,” Dan said. 

“This is kinda like the first time we had sex,” Holly said, her hands on his hips. “Happy… fuckaversary?”

Something twisted inside of him, sharp and painful, in his chest and in his gut. 

“Fuck me,” he said, possibly harsher than he should have, but there was something almost… vicious inside of him. 

A yawning, gluttonous wanting. The kind that he couldn’t have - not in the kind of whatever-it-was that he and Holly had going on. 

Maybe… maybe he wanted anniversaries. Not just fuckaverseries. He wanted to hold her hand , he wanted to sleep next to her. He wanted… he wanted….

He wanted her to fuck him so hard that he stopped feeling any of this. He wrapped a hand around his cock, and he pumped it a few times, until it was hard again, drooling precum down his shaft. 

“You want me to really fuck you? You want me to go… you want me to go slow and sweet? Or do you want me to pound you into the mattress?” 

“I want you to do whatever you want,” Dan said, breathless, as she began to thrust into him clumsily. “Just as long as you don’t stop doing it.”

The tangled mix of emotions in his chest was beginning to lessen, replaced by the simplicity of lust, the tension in his belly beginning to pull tighter and tigter. 

It was quiet - Dan was too absorbed in the feeling of being so… full, and Holly was new at sex this way, and seemed to be need to do a lot of concentrating. 

After about five minutes, Holly tapped his hip.

“Uh, Dan?” She sounded embarrassed. 

“What’s… what’s up?” He blinked at her, still jerking his cock. 

“I… don’t think I can keep this up. My hips are getting tired.” She blushed. “Do you think we could do another position?” 

“How about… how about I ride you?” He never thought he’d ride someone else, but fuckit. It’d be interesting to find out what it was like from the other end, considering how much he loved it when she bounced on his dick. 

“How do you wanna do that?” She licked her lips, clearly into the idea. She squirmed, and the cock inside of him squirmed with her, making her moan, her hips rocking forward. 

“How about… how about you sit by the headboard, and I’ll sit in your lap?”

“Can you try not to knock me out with your knees?”

“Only if you don’t break me in half with your massive dick."

“I thought I was already doing that.” She gave a particularly vicious thrust, and Dan cried out, grabbing at the sheets and arching his back. 

Holly slid out, and his muscles grasped at the nothingness. Then there was more shifting around, until he was straddling her lap, his cock smearing across her tank top. 

“We should take that off,” said Dan, grabbing the shirt and pulling it off of her. He pressed his face in between her breasts, mouthing along one, his fingers pulling and plucking at her nipples. 

“Mmm… you just wanted to see me topless, dirty thing,” Holly panted, reaching one sticky, lubed up hand to adjust her cock, lining it up with his hole.

“Oh, no,” said Dan, using his own hand to adjust where it sat, then slowly lowering himself down onto it. “Heaven forbid I have less than virtuous… intentions… at a time such as… as… oh, fuck!” 

It felt like it went deeper this way. He could feel the muscles at the rim of his asshole fluttering against the “balls” of the dildo, and when he rolled his hips experimentally, his own cock smeared wetness across her belly, 

“Oh,” Dan said, and his voice cracked. 

“Oh?” Holly stared up at him, her face enraptured, and he had to… he….

Dan kissed her, his face against hers, lips pushing insistently against hers, his tongue sliding into her mouth, his teeth brushing against her lips. He tangled his fingers in her dyed hair, and when he pulled back to take a breath, he was shaking. 

One of her hands was on his dick. She was stroking him, and his hips were moving, of their own volition, humping into her fist, while her cock split him open, the head of it rubbing against his prostate. 

He was already dripping, leaving a trail of wetness across her knuckles, down her wrist. She was jerking him harder, shifting her hips, and she was staring into his face. 

“I’m gonna cum,” Dan gasped out, because his orgasm was right there, hovering over his shoulder like a mosquito. He could feel it starting already, his toes curling, his calves tensing up, as he got closer and closer, about to fall down the precipice.

“I love you!” 

Fuck. 

He came across her belly, her breasts, and he kissed her again, harder, in hopes of hiding what he had just said, because that was… because that was something that he didn’t talk about. That wasn’t something that he was supposed to feel.

Holly pulled back from him, and she looked… startled. She held him as he shook against her, more cum drooling out of his cock, and she let him kiss her, until the shaking had subsided. 

“Can we… can we talk about that?” She looked scared, and she wasn’t touching him any more than she had to, her hand s on the bed beside her. 

“Later? Please?” He pressed his forehead against hers. “Please, let me make you feel good, I want to eat you out, or I’ll finger you, or I’ll wear the strap on and fuck you, just… please. Please?” His voice cracked on the last “please,” and panic was bubbling up through his whole body, leaving him shaky. 

“...okay,” said Holly. “You can… you can eat me out.”

“Are you sure? Is that what you want? If it’s not what you want, we can -”

“No, you’re amazing at oral sex,” said Holly. “Please.” She paused. “You’ll just have to, um, get off of my lap first. Please.”

“Right. Right.”

He’d made it awkward. He’d opened his big, stupid mouth, and now he had ruined everything. She was going to be scared away, and he would be back to square one. 

Only less than square one, because he hadn’t been mourning the loss of her at that point. 

He sighed when she pulled out of him, and he helped her pull the harness off of her hips, leaving her naked, breathing heavily, almost frantic in his desperation to pretend that everything was fine, everything was normal. 

He pressed his face into her vulva, licking her clit, his hand s holding her thighs open. He took in her scent, as much of it as he could, as he licked and licked, one hand going under his chin to slide his long fingers into her. She was so wet that it made a sucking sound, and she pulled him in.

He kept his tongue on her clit, his fingers pressing down on her g spot, and maybe he was crying a bit, but nobody needed to know that - maybe it was just squirt on his face, or her sweat, rubbed off on him. 

His ass was beginning to throb, a new kind of tender, and it made him shiver, his cock twitching feebly against his belly, too worn out to do much more than twitch, but the rest of him shoved her towards orgasm, with his mouth, his fingers, even his nose. 

She came against him like wave, fluid almost spraying him in the face as she cried out, her hands yanking at her hair, then resting on his head. 

Was that forgiveness? Or was it just a gesture that one did while receiving cunnilingus? He’d never gotten it himself - he didn’t know. But he kept licking, sucking, until she was patting him on the head and wriggling her legs, the usual sign that she needed a break. 

“I… I need a… I need a shower,” said Dan, and he sat back, his face still shiny and sticky with her fluid. 

“I’m, um… I’ll be downstairs,” said Holly. “I’ll shower after you.”

They always showered together. That was one of their rituals. He held her against him, under the hot water, and she made jokes about shrinkage, and they enjoyed each other's company, as they came down. 

But not anymore.

He’d been under the water for ten minutes, letting the heat wash over him, the tension finally leaving his body. 

There was a knock on the door. 

“Dan?” 

“What’s up?” 

“I… I gotta go.” She cleared her throat. “Ross called, there’s a… there’s a thing.”

“Of course,” said Dan. “Let me come out and -”

“No, I gotta go, uh, now,” said Holly. She opened the door, and she pulled the shower curtain back, standing on tiptoe to kiss him on the mouth, chastely, before she walked out.

“... ouch,” Dan said into his empty bathroom, and he gave a long, shuddering sigh. 

He was the world’s largest fuck up. He’d had an almost perfect situation going on, and he ruined it. 

Who was going to go to bed early, right after he changed the sheets.

* * * 

He slept uneasily, but he did sleep. He woke up to his phone blinking at him, and he was surprised to see that he had… eight text messages from Holly. All sent the night before, at an ungodly hour.

_I’m so sorry I bolted like that._

_I’m nto good at feeligs._

_Sorry, I’ve had a bit to drink._

_I… I want to tlel you that I love you, but I don’t knwo if I do or not._

_Because we dothe fun stuff, right? But love isn’t just fun st uff._

_I don’t know. Maybe I’m overthinking._

_Ross says I’m an idiot._

_Can you call me?_

Dan blinked, rubbing his eyes. 

He hated the surge of joy he got, just seeing her name pop up. Mixed with the dread that curdled in his belly like bad milk. 

_Morning. Are you awake yet?_

It was about nine thirty in the morning. His ass was throbbing interestingly, and his head ached. 

He might have cried a bit. 

_Yeah. Can I call you?_

_Sure, if it’s not too much trouble._

_Of course it’s not. I wouldn’t have offered if it was._

She had a point.

He hesitated, before answering his phone. His hand was shaking, just enough that he noticed it. 

“Hello?” Her voice was rough, low. 

“Hi,” said Dan. “I, uh… I’m sorry. About last night. If you wanted it to just… if you wanted it to just be back to us being friends, I’d be okay, I’d just need time to -”

“I don’t… entirely know what I want,” said Holly. “But… that’s no excuse for what I did to you. It wasn’t right for me to just leave you like that. I’m sorry.” Her voice cracked. “I… I don’t know if I love you, and that’s what I’m scared of. That I don’t really love you.”

“How do you… I mean, do you have any idea?” Shit. That sounded horrible. 

“If… I mean, I care about you, a lot. and I like spending time around you, and all of that. But… if you wanna have a relationship… there’s not fun bits, you know?”

“Yeah,” said Dan. “I understand .” He cleared his throat. “Could you… could you give me a chance? At the not fun bits?” 

“It’s… I’m not good at that,” said Holly. “At letting people see the not good bits. The not fun parts.” 

“Can you… can you try?” 

“I can try.”

“Thank you.” 

She cleared her throat again. “Can we… uh, would you want to come over on Friday? Ross is going out of town for a thing. We could mess around, watch a movie?”

“That sounds good,” said Dan. “My butt should be recovered by that point!”

“I’ll give it a break,” said Holly. “I’ll even give you an apology blow job.” 

“I’ll wear my nicest underwear,” Dan said.

Holly laughed, and they both hung up.

Well. That was… that was more hopeful. It wasn’t the answer that he had been hoping for, exactly, but it was one that he could certainly live with. 

* * * 

The week went by. He was… less bouncy. Maybe all the new relationship energy that had been bubbling through him was starting to wear down. He was looking forward to seeing Holly - for the blowjob, for sure, but for a whole lot of other stuff.

They still texted, but it was a lot more… cautious. Things felt a bit stilted. 

But they were talking, and it was getting easier. 

In a way, it was easier. He could stop shying away from thoughts about loving her. and thoughts about what would happen if she didn’t love him back.

Because hey, he’d faced that monster, and he was still up and kicking, right?

* * * 

He got a text on Friday afternoon. 

_I need to call off today, I’m sorry._

Fear lurched up his throat. Was she regretting their planning? Had she changed her mind?

_I’ve got the plague._

She sent him a picture of herself, and ... wow. She didn’t look so good. Her nose was red, her eyes were watering, and she was resting her chin on her arm, clearly exhausted. 

_Poor pigeon. I can still hang out. We don’t have to do sexy stuff._

_I’ve still got to give the animals dinner, clean the catbox, and do the laundry. I’m gonna be completely dead by the time you get here._

_You rest up. I’ll do the chores._

_You sure?_

_Sure. You want me to pick stuff up from the grocery store, too?_

_Cough syrup and vegetable soup, if it’s not too much trouble?_

_Don’t worry about it. Rest up._

* * * 

Holly looked like hell when Dan answered the door. She was wearing Ross’s sweater, and her eyes were red rimmed. 

“Hi,” she said, and her voice was a croaking rasp. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” said Dan, and he stepped in, kissing her forehead. “Go. Sit down. I’ll put away the groceries and feed the menagerie.” 

“Pancake gets - “

“I’ve seen you do this before, babe,” said Dan, steering Holly towards her nest of blankets on the couch. “You also made a whole video series about it, remember?”

“Oh yeah,” Holly mumbled, curling back up on the couch. David Attenborough's voice was coming from the television, and there was a whale surfacing. 

Dan sang to himself as he bustled around. He chopped the veggies up for Pancake, and set the cat’s wet food out. He put the pigeon’s dishes down in their loft, and told them about his day, because he liked talking and it was quiet, apart from their rustling and their cooing. 

He dumped the cat box leavings in the garbage, then took the lot of it out, and then he washed his hands and examined the kitchen. 

Holly was sleeping, snoring quietly, her eyes shut. He was loathe to wake her, but, well, he did have an important question. 

“Pigeon?” 

Holly blinked her eyes at him, owlish through her glasses. They were leaving an indent on her temple.

“I’m not a pigeon,” she mumbled. “I don’t live in the loft.”

“No,” said Dan, “but I like calling you pigeon.”

“Oh,” said Holly, and she yawned widely. 

Her breath… wasn’t as nice as it had been, on past occasions. He resisted the urge to wrinkle his nose. 

“Holly,” he tried again. “When was the last time you ate something?”

“Um… I think I had breakfast,” said Holly, shoving her glasses up and rubbing her eyes. 

“Right,” said Dan. “How about I make you some soup, then maybe you can take a bath?” 

“Am I that gross?” Holly blushed. “I’m sorry. I should’ve -” She started coughing, the kind of rough, deep coughing, the kind that even _sounded_ chunky. 

“Shush,” said Dan, handing her a tissue. “You look sticky. I figure you wanna be less sticky. I can do the laundry while you take a bath.”

She gave him a Look. “You’re, uh… you’re not the best at laundry,” she croaked out. 

“I’ve gotten better,” Dan said, slightly defensive. 

“No bleach,” Holly mumbled, before starting to cough again. 

Dan got up, got her a glass of water, and hand ed it to her, along with another tissue. 

“Okay,” Holly said, and she sighed, leaning back. “I’m sorry. You probably had fun plans for the evening.”

“I had plans with you,” said Dan, taking her face in both hand s and kissing her forehead. “I’m getting that. So I’m happy. Okay?”

“You absolutely sure?” She snuffled. 

“Absotively, posolutely,” said Dan. 

“Oh my god,” Holly groaned. “You’re such a fucking….” She sighed again. “I feel like this is… too much to ask from you,” said Holly, slowly, in her croaking, rough voice. “Since I… well, since I don’t know if I feel the same way about you. As… big. Strong. Red. Gaah!” She covered her face with both hands and groaned. 

“I’d do this for you anyway,” said Dan. “I care about you. and … regardless of how you feel, I still feel like this.”

Holly sighed gustily. 

“Okay,” she said. “... can I have some more tea, please?” 

“Sure,” said Dan, and he kissed her forehead again, standing up straight, his hands on his lower back. 

Orph twined around his ankles, and Dan chatted with the cat, meowing back at him, telling him about the new album he was working on, as he made Holly’s tea, and began to heat up her soup. 

She was sitting up when he brought her tea in, and she took a sip of it, gratefully. 

“I hate to ask for another thing, but… could I have the cough syrup as well?”

“How about after your soup? So you don’t have the taint the delicious soupy goodness with… well, cough syrup.”

“You’ve got a point there,” Holly mumbled, and she cuddled up against him.

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer, her head under his chin, her ear pressed against his chin. 

* * * 

Holly drank her soup, and she stumbled into the bathroom, shedding clothes behind her. She let Dan run the water, and he poured something or other into the water - it said “bubble bath” on it, at any rate. 

“Do I have to worry about you falling asleep and drowning?” 

“No,” Holly mumbled, her head against a small folded up towel, her eyes closed. “Can you turn the light off?"

“That’s not reassuring me that you’re not gonna fall asleep,” Dan told her, bending down to pick up her discarded sweater, and her pajama pants. 

“The light is giving me a headache,” said Holly.

“I’ll leave on the light in the bedroom,” said Dan, and he kissed the top of her head. “and I’ll come keep you company when I finish loading the laundry.” 

“Okay,” Holly mumbled, and she sighed, her whole body sagging forward, but still upright. 

She nearly knocked over one of the half-melted candles on the shelf, before she brought her arms back into the tub with her, and sighed again. 

The laundry was easy enough - laundry is laundry, after all. He came back to the bathroom, to find Holly nearly asleep in the tub, her eyes nodding shut.\

“Do you want me to wash your hair?” Dan kept his voice quiet, and he sat down on the floor next to her carefully, his knees already starting to ache. 

“If that’s okay,” Holly said. “I mean, if it’s not too much trouble.”

“Nah,” said Dan. 

He took a cup of water, and he dumped it over her head, then grabbed her shampoo bottle. Her lathered his hands up, then massaged it into her scalp, coating her hair with the suds. 

She sighed against him, content, and his heart was squeezed in a vice grip. 

Oh, she was dear to him. 

“I did the rest of me already,” Holly said sleepily, indicating the washcloth hanging over the edge of the tub. 

“Do you wanna go to bed?” He paused, then decided against picking up the conditioner. She could live a night without conditioning her hair. 

“Can you stay on the couch and watch TV with me?” Holly yawned. “I don’t… I don’t want you to go home,” she said. 

“I won’t go home,” Dan promised. “Not until you want me to.”

“Okay,” said Holly, and she yawned. “Still. Stay with me on the couch?” 

“I need to move stuff to the dryer at one point,” said Dan. “But other than that, I’ll be right there, okay?” He paused. “That, and potty breaks.”

“You’re too old to talk about taking potty breaks,” said Holly, and she heaved herself upright, water sheeting off of her like some kind of nymph out of the cheesier sort of myth movie in the sixties. 

“I’m older than you are,” Dan said, wrapping her in a towel and helping her out of the bath.

“Yeah,” said Holly, “and _I’m_ too old to talk about taking potty breaks.”

He toweled her dry and left her to get dressed, going to tidy the kitchen up, load up the dishwasher. Orph was sitting on the couch, and he chirped when Dan lifted him up. 

“HI fat cat,” said Dan, looking Orph in the face.

“He’s not that fat,” said Holly, clad in fresh pajamas. She plopped down next to him, her head on his chest, and Dan was more or less covered with warm, living, shedding life. 

He could live with that. 

* * * 

He fell asleep on the couch, about twenty minutes after putting the laundry in the dryer. He woke up the next morning, when Holly shook him. 

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to take over your evening.”

“It’s fine,” he told her, and he yawned, stretching. “You sound a lot better,” he said. 

“Thanks,” said Holly. “I feel better!” She was smiling so widely that he had to kiss her, and germs be damned. 

He could live with a cold, but he couldn’t live one more second without kissing her. 

“Can I come over… Tuesday?” 

Dan raised an eyebrow. They… didn’t really do weeknights, what with his work schedule, and with hers. 

“I need to go into the space,” said Holly. “I’m recording with Suzy.” She cleared her throat, and she was blushing. “We could, uh… we could go in together.” 

_Oh._

That had… that had implications. 

* * * 

Dan was kissing Holly. 

He was kissing Holly on his bed, and he was kissing her deep, her fingers in his hair, his hips rolling lazily against hers. They’d eaten dinner, they’d watched a movie, they’d made out on his couch, and now… they were fucking around on his bed. 

She was on top of him, and her fingers were tangled in his, squeezing them, her hips rocking against him, her panties slick and wet against the front of his jeans. He moaned as she broke their kiss, nuzzling along his neck, then lower, shoving his shirt up and nipping across his chest, pausing to suck on each of his nipples, just enough to make him thrash under her.

“You’re feeling… teasing tonight,” Dan stuttered, and he put his hands on her head, threading them through feathery hair. 

“I can’t enjoy you?” She moved lower, kissing along his flat stomach, unbuttoning his jeans, then unzipping them. She tapped his hip, urging him to lift his hips, and he did so, shivering a bit. 

It was… it was hard to be this open. It was… well, it was scary, in a weird way. 

But fuck it. It’d already blurted out the big four letter verb. So what if he was baring more skin? 

Then thoughts on vulnerabilities escaped his mind, because Holly was mouthing his cock through his boxers, and her mouth was… it was so good, hot and wet, her tongue tracing the vein along the underside, then lapping across the very tip, the tip of her tongue jabbing into the slit. 

“Oh, fuck, Holly…,” Dan gasped, his thighs tensing on either side of her, trying not to squeeze, trying not to thrust forward, just taking it from her. “Holly, do you want me to get a condom? So you can… so you can just blow me?”

“No,” said Holly slowly, and she began to pull his boxers down, kissing along the vee of his hips. “I mean, she added, resting her chin on his thigh, “unless you really want it?”

“I mean, you’ve always been worried about -”

“Yeah,” said Holly,” but, uh….” She cleared her throat and looked away shyly. “I was thinking… would you be comfortable going bareback?” 

Dan’s eyes widened, and he licked his lips. 

“Always,” he breathed. 

It wasn’t like he was worried about getting her pregnant - she had her IUD. They’d talked about all of that, when they started up all of this. 

Holly pulled his boxers all the way down, and his cock sprang out, nearly getting her in the face. She leaned forward, taking it in her hand and kissing sloppily along the length of it, pausing at the head to swirl her tongue over it. She grinned at him, catching his eye, and she took him as deep as she could, almost all the way down, her breath ruffling his pubic hair. 

“Oh, fuck, Holly, your _tongue_ , I can feel… your throat, oh….” He was crying out, babbling incoherent, and he couldn’t seem to stop. “Oh fuck, fuck, Holly, I’m gonna cum, if you don’t stop, I’m… oh!” 

Holly pulled off of him with a “pop”, and she was looking at him with a downright wicked expression. 

“I don’t want you to cum in my mouth,” she said, and she was breathless. “Do you think you can hold on long enough to cum in my pussy?”

Dan moaned, his cock twitching in the suddenly cool air, spit slick and drooling pre cum.

Holly stood up, shoving her panties down and off, and she hefted her skirt up, baring her pussy for Dan to see. 

“Baby, baby, sit on my face,” Dan begged, his hand s going to her hips as she moved take his cock into her. 

“What is it with you and oral sex?” Holly giggled, her skirt up around her belly, her hand on his cock. She ground her pussy against his shaft, the seam of her labia wet and sticky against him. 

She was so hot, so wet, and he loved it when she teased him like this, the tantalizing press of hot flesh, sick and pink and becoming familiar. 

He loved her like this, teasing him, like something out of his dirtiest fantasy.

He loved her, period. When she was being a hot temptress, when she was sick in her own bathtub, when she was making videos explaining facts about pigeons, when.... 

Whenever. 

He bit back the urge to say anything, and he stared up at her, enraptured, as she shoved her shirt off, letting her tits bounce in time with each rock of her hips. She grabbed his hands in hers, and she put them on her chest, then went back to grinding against him, moaning theatrically. 

Dan got the hint, and he squeezed her breasts, flicking his thumbnails over each of her nipples, as she writhed and moaned on top of him. 

He might have been spelling something out against her breast with his index finger, a four letter verb, but she didn't need to pay attention to it, did she? It was just more stimulation.

... okay, so maybe it was sneaky, but it was a subtle kind of sneaky, and he'd already said it. 

She knew. That was the important part. 

"So that's a no to sitting on my face then?" Dan put on a pout. 

"Yeah," said Holly, breathless. "I want to look at your face. I can't really look at it if I'm sitting on it, can I?"

"... that's a fair point," said Dan, moving his hand s down to her belly, to her hips, so he could thrust up against her properly. "But... mmm, but... can I offer a different suggestion?" 

"I'm always open to suggestions," said Holly brightly, and it was her YouTube tutorial voice, chipper manic pixie dream girl made oh so delicious flesh, which made Dan groaned, covering his face with both hand s. 

"Holly, don't do that."

"Don't do what, Dan?" 

"Use that voice.

"What, this voice? My helpful voice? You don't like me being helpful, Dan?" 

"Now that's turning into your birb voice. Do you want me to start getting boners whenever you use it?"

"I dunno. You've always given me a vibe as having a bit of a mommy - "

"Let's not finish that sentence," Dan said quickly, because one can only examine so many emotions in one short period of time. "Can I put my finger in your butt?"

Holly blinked down at him, momentarily nonplussed. 

"What?" He gave her a nervous smile. "You said I could do weird butt stuff with you!"

"I would have appreciated a bit of a heads up," Holly said, looking nervous. "To, uh... clean up."

"It's just my finger," said Dan. "I'll wear a glove, if that'll make you feel better." He blushed. "I'd like to, uh...." He cleared his throat. "I want to finger your butt. While you ride my dick. In front, I mean."

"So you don't want to stick your dick in my butt?"

"I mean, I do," said Dan. "Just not now." 

"So you just want to finger my butt?"

"While I fuck your pussy."

"... ah." Holly sat back, resting her weight on his thighs. "Okay. Sure. I'll try it."

"Can you, uh... there's gloves and lube in the drawer," Dan said, indicating the bedside table. 

"I would know, Dan," said Holly, in a patient voice. "I've stayed over before." 

"Well, yeah, but maybe I reorganize now and then," Dan said, already mourning the loss of her warm body as she got off of him to grab the aforementioned safer sex supplies. 

"You've had the same pack of Skittles sitting next to your bed for the entirety of the time I've been seeing your bedroom," said Holly, climbing back on top of him, her knees pressing into his ribs. "What do you, uh... need me to do?" 

"Get on that dick," said Dan, jokingly. 

He made a strangled noise when she actually did, lining it up, then sliding on, grunting and gasping as he stretched her.

She was so much hotter this way, her pussy wet and velvety, tight and grasping around him. 

"Holy shit," Dan said in a strangled voice. "Oh... fuck, Holly." He grabbed the box of gloves and shoved one onto his hand , then grabbed the lube, not caring if he got any of it on the bed. He'd do laundry. He always did, after Holly slept over. 

"Don't give... don't give orders you don't want followed," said Holly, and she sounded awfully smug for someone with Excalibur inside of them, right up to the hilt. 

“I’ll… remember that in the future,” said Dan. He realized, belatedly, that he needed a pillow under his back, to help him sit up. 

Shit.

There was some wrangling as they changed positions, until he was propped up, and she was leaning against his chest, her pussy stretched tight around Excalibur, her ass sticking out like she was waiting for a spanking. 

Dan’s clean hand held on to one of the cheeks of her ass, holding her open. Then he paused. 

“Pigeon?”

“Mmm?” 

“Can you hold your butt open for me? It’s kind of awkward at this angle.”

“Always the gentleman,” Holly grumbled, pressing closer to him, her breasts in his face. Her cheek was pressed against the top of his head, and she was almost entirely off of his cock, just the head remaining inside of her. 

“I try,” said Dan, finally finding her asshole. He circled it with his fingertip, then pressed in, gently. 

“Even if this sucks,” Holly said, her voice a bit strained, “it’ll be totally worth it. Because i got to fuck your ass.”

“I’d be willing to let you do it again,” Dan said. “It was… it was neat.”

Her pussy twitched around him, and he groaned, his hips thrusting up into her, trying to get deeper, as her ass pulled his finger in, up to the first knuckle. 

“Neat? I take your anal virginity, and all you can say is… is… neat?” Holly shuddered around him, and sank back against him, taking Excalibur back in, taking in more of his finger. 

“Is now the best time to be arguing about vocabulary?” He was all the way in now. “You can stop holding your butt open. I’m in.” 

Holly started to giggle, bouncing on his dick, against his finger, breathing heavily. There was sweat dripping down her breasts, and he leaned forward, taking one nipple in his mouth, because how could he ignore such a feast before him? He sucked on her nipple like he was taking sacrament, savoring the salt-sweetness of her skin, as her pussy sucked his cock in, and her ass squeezed and relaxed around him. 

“What’s so funny?” Dan popped of of her nipple, nuzzling his cheek against it, the hard peak of it strange against the rougher skin of his face. 

“You… you sound like a hacker in, like, a heist movie from the nineties,” said Holly, between giggles. “You know, like, ‘I’m past the firewall, I’m in!’” 

“Well, I mean, I am past the firewall,” Dan said, and he wriggled his finger and flexed his penis at the same time. 

Holly squeaked, and the squeak turned into more laughing, her fingers going between her legs, to rub her clit in time with his thrusts. 

“I can’t… I can’t believe you just said that,” Holly said, and she was laughing, she was moaning, and Dan was laughing as well, as her sweat rubbed off onto him, as her whole body began to tense up, on its way towards orgasm.

His own orgasm was going to hit him like a sock full of batteries, he could already tell. He added a second finger to her ass, carefully, curling them, twitching them, feeling her stretch around him. 

“You know me,” said Dan, and he kissed her, then latched on to the side of her breast, sucking on it, harder than he usually did. 

She seemed to be enjoying it, judging by the way she was thrusting against him, and her pussy was grabbing him harder. 

He pulled off with a “pop,” and he admired the hickey he’d left her. It was almost purple, glowing against her pale skin.

“Did you just give me a hickey?” Holly sounded faintly scandalized. 

“Sorry,” said Dan, although he wasn’t, really. 

“Well… two can play at that game,” Holly said, and maybe she was a bit loopy on the lust that was eating them both alive, but he wasn’t going to complain too much, as she latched onto his neck and sucked, hard enough that he could hear it. 

The pain of it was almost enough to send him over the edge, and he tried to curve his hips, beginning to thrust faster, bouncing her harder in his lap. She was going to cum before him, because he wanted - nay, _needed_ \- to feel her orgasm, before his cock was too oversensitive to enjoy it. 

He was mumbling to himself as he bit his lip, his face screwed shut. He groaned when she let go, and he dived down, taking her nipple (and a decent amount of the surrounding breast) into his mouth and sucking on it, his tongue rasping across the stiff peak.

Holly came. He felt it before she did, almost - her ass clamped down on his fingers like a vice, and her pussy began to tighten. Her calf muscles were like marble against his sides, and her fingers dug into his shoulders, squeezing so hard he was going to be bruised in the morning. 

She squirted around him, like always, slick and ejaculate mingling with the lube on his thighs. She was… amazing like this, her head thrown back, baring her neck, her whole face open as she sobbed, before flopping against him, panting. 

Dan withdrew his finger and hold on tightly to her hips, thrusting up into her once, twice, three times, before he was cumming as well, as hard as he had in a good long while, as hard as he had the first time he’d fucked her, lo those many months ago.

“It feels… wow,” Holly murmured, as he writhed under her, his body shaking, sweet pleasure radiating under his skin. “It feels like… it’s so hot.”

“I know you are,” Dan mumbled, flopping back on the pillows, still shaking from the aftershock, “but what am I?”

Holly groaned, and she giggled, sliding off of his cock. 

A _lot_ of fluid spilled out of her and she made a face. 

“That’s kinda gross,” she said, cuddling up to him, her head on his chest. “But so totally worth it.”

“Yeah?” Dan kissed the top of her head. 

Holly nodded, her face pressed into his neck, as he pulled the glove off, turning it inside out and chucking it in the vague direction of the garbage. 

“I, uh… I think… I think I love you,” Holly said quietly, as the sweat cooled on her body, and her hand rested over Dan’s beating heart. “I mean, um. I don’t… I don’t know for one hundred percent. But I’m a lot… I’m a lot closer than I was.”

“You… you don’t have to be,” Dan said, although it hurt to say it. “I’d be okay, still being with you… physically, or emotionally, or whatever. Even if we didn’t feel the same stuff.”

It would hurt more, to think that she was only saying something like that because she thought that he needed to hear it. 

“No, I mean it,” Holly said. “I don’t say stuff I don’t mean.” She sighed, a long gust of hot air against his overheated skin. “I just… I wanna keep you updated.” 

“I appreciate the update,” Dan said solemnly, combing his fingers through her sweaty hair. “You wanna take a shower?”

“In a sec,” Holly mumbled, burrowing closer to him. 

It was easier for her to get comfy - _she_ wasn’t lying in the wet spot. 

“... you wanna hear something kinda gross?” 

“Are you gonna tell me anyway?” 

“Well, yeah.” He stroked her hair off of her forehead, then moved his hand down, over her haunch. “Unless you really don’t wanna know.”

“Well, now not knowing is gonna bug me.” 

Dan grinned, and he kissed her forehead. “When I was fingering you… I could feel my dick. Like, moving, in your pussy. It was weird.”

“... it sounds it,” said Holly, nonplussed.

“I bet next time, if we use, like, a plug, you’ll be able to feel it… feeling.” Dan trailed off. “That made no sense, did it?”

“Nope,” said Holly, and she patted him on the belly. “Let’s go shower.”

* * * 

Arin gave him a Look when he walked into the office with Holly. 

In fairness, Dan was practically whistling, with a bounce in his step and a big grin on his face. 

Also a whopper of a hickey on his neck. 

“Dude.” Arin grabbed Dan’s belt loop, as Dan made his way towards the fridge. “What the fuck happened to you?”

“I dunno what you’re talking about,” Dan said, evasive.

Holly was at Suzy’s desk, talking quietly with the other woman about something. 

“The fucking huge hickey on your neck, man,” said Arin. “C’mon, spill. Someone got laaaaaid!”

“I… might’ve,” Dan said, his eyes flicking over to Holly, who was turning pink. 

“Whoever did that must have a heck of a mouth,” Arin said appreciatively. 

“That was my wife,” said Ross from his desk. 

“... what?” Arin looked from Dan, to Ross, to Holly, who was turning pinker.

Suzy was staring at Dan, open mouthed, occasionally moving to look at Holly. 

“Goddamn it, Ross,” said Holly. “You just wanted to make a scene, didn’t you?” 

“Sorry,” said Ross, unrepentant. “I couldn’t resist.”

Dan chuckled nervously, still looking from Suzy to Arin.

Barry was at his own desk, his own eyebrows up. 

“So, uh, everyone. Me and Dan, we’re… dating,” said Holly. She stood up, walked over to Dan, and squeezed his fingers. “Ross knows and is okay with it -”

“Damn right, I am,” said Ross. “Two hottest people in the office are fucking in _my_ house every other weekend!”

“That is not true,” said Arin. “You know for a fact that I’m the hottest piece of ass in this office.”

“Just keep telling yourself that,” said Ross, sliding his headphones back on. 

Arin rolled his eyes, and he shot Dan a look.

They’d be talking about it later. 

But in this moment, Holly was standing on tiptoe, and he kissed her, his heart opening like a desert flower after rain.


End file.
